


She Broke the World and Herself in Turn

by Bloodyshadow1



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bow is best boy, Catra Redemption, Dark Thoughts, F/F, Healing, Maybe romantic maybe not, Post-Season/Series 03, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, catra went to beast island and came back changed, minor hordak bashing, shadow weaver bashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2020-10-11 04:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20540006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloodyshadow1/pseuds/Bloodyshadow1
Summary: It's been months since Catra opened the portal, months since Adora saw her former friend now her enemy.  Adora's ready to finish things now despite knowing how much it's going to hurt.  When she finally sees Catra again she knows what she needs to do, for the good of Etheria.  But when they do meet, this isn't the same Catra she's known all her life, this weak and defeated creature was a stranger to her.  Catra doesn't want to fight, she just wants justice, whatever that means, what happened to her the last few months to make her change so much?





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Short warning, this is a healing story, but it's going to start in dark places, I want you to know that before going on. It will have a happy ending if I ever get to the end, but it will be a journey. If you're okay with that then fine I hope you enjoy, if not, no hard feelings. It will also have season 3 spoilers I want to make that clear.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy reading, if you do please leave a comment, they really help me focus and power through writer's block

The next time Adora saw Catra, she knew that it would only end one way, after the portal Catra had gone too far. Whatever feelings she had, still has, for her former friend didn’t matter anymore. Catra was a danger to the Etheria and she needed to be stopped, She-ra is the protector as the Princess of Power even if it would break Adora’s heart. 

It had been months since the portal incident, months since Adora had seen her old friend. She had smashed countless Horde squadrons, spent hours training, and killed hundreds of Lighthope’s Catra simulations. It still hurt every time she cut one down, even if she knew it was just light and sound manipulated by Lighthope, she still winced every time, but she stopped hesitating. 

Things changed, Entrapta arrived at Brightmoon with Scorpia of all people asking to change sides. The response was mixed, Entrapta was left behind due to a misunderstanding, but she did work for the Horde out of her one free will. Adora was glad to see Entrapta, the princess of Dryl was never really evil in her mind, just…, wrapped up in her own wants and desires. According to both Horde Princesses Entrapta was going to stop the portal from being activated before Catra shocked her and went to activate it knowing the risks. Adora and the other members of the alliance believed her, Entrapta didn’t care enough most things to bother to lie about them and Scorpia was surprisingly sweet and open about things. 

Scorpia, well dealing with the Scorpian Princess was even stranger, they hadn’t been friends exactly in the portal world, but they had worked together well and promised to hate each other the right amount. Still, the Horde-, former Horde Princess was surprisingly sweet when you weren’t fighting her. Plus, Seahawk vouched for her, which helped, he might be a pirate and a braggart, but he was good people. 

Still, neither of them would mention Catra after explaining she had been the one to knock Entrapta out and sent her to Beast Island, threatening to do the same to Scorpia after she objected. But they wouldn’t say anything after that, only that Scorpia had intercepted the transport that Entrapta was in, stopped it, and broke her out before she reached Beast Island. After that Entrapta felt guilty about almost blowing up the planet and didn’t want to go back to the Horde. There was something more to their story of course, but they wouldn't say anything else about it and no one could get anything out of them. Currently they were guests of Perfuma in Plumeria, the alliance couldn’t trust them to fight or build and since Dryl was still Horde territory they had nowhere else to go. It had been good for them, at least for now. 

Yet now, after months, Adora saw Catra, it was completely by accident, though it seems like they always ran into each other by accident. Adora had gone with Bow, Seahawk, and Mermista to visit the shore, the people that weren’t in the capital cities still deserved to know they were being protected. Glimmer couldn’t come, she was the queen now and didn’t have time to be on adventures so she was either on her throne delegating or with Shadow Weaver learning how to use magic. Adora didn’t like that or trust Shadow Weaver, but Glimmer assured her that she could handle Shadow Weaver and was only using her to grow stronger for future battles. Adora didn’t trust that, but she trusted Glimmer and didn’t want to undermine the new queen, Glimmer needed as much support as possible right now. 

They were on a cliffside, Seahawk said that this was the perfect view to scope out the shoreline, well he loudly proclaimed it, more than said it. It was magnificent, a rocky outcropping that jutted out over the sea letting you stare into the blue watery void for miles. Seahawk had gone on and on about some adventure he was on when he found that was probably only half true when Adora saw her. 

Adora could feel Catra around before she saw her, her heart always beat a certain way whenever her former friend was around, it hurt sometimes but it was a good warning. Even 400 yards away and not facing them Adora could tell it was Catra. Without thinking Adora took out the sword and shouted ‘For the honor of Grayskull,’ and became She-Ra and charged forward. Too many times Catra tricked her or taunted her, Adora didn’t want to give her the chance. She could hear Bow shouting at her in the back of her mind but she didn’t care, Catra was the only thing she could think about. 

She wasn’t being quiet, Adora needed to get to Catra before the Force Commander had a chance to get a weapon or spring a trap. Catra heard her, Adora could see her ears twitch, and turned around to face her, but didn’t even try to move. Adora couldn’t see the woman standing in front of her, she could only see the corrupted maniac from the portal that haunted her nightmares, the thousands of holograms that she tore apart in so many ways to prepare her for this moment. One punch to the jaw to make it hard for her to call for help, the next to the stomach so she couldn’t breathe, it had come from her old Horde training. She didn’t rely on her Horde training since it tended to focus on hurting your opponent and crippling if not killing them, but Catra was an exception one way or another. 

Those blows could have killed a normal person, but Catra just tettered weakly on her feet, as if she was unsure if she wanted to fall and give up or keep fighting. Adora didn’t give her that chance. She tackled Catra to the ground, not wanting to give the former best friend a chance to fight back. With one hand she was able to pull both of Catra’s wrists over her head and keep her pinned with her body while Adora dug her knees into Catra’s sides so she couldn't squirm away. 

Without thinking muscle memory kicked in and her fist collided with Catra’s face before Adora could even look in her eyes. She held back, Light Hope wouldn’t have wanted her too and Catra didn’t deserve it, but Adora didn’t want to kill her despite all her training, just make sure she couldn’t hurt anyone. Still, she could shatter mountains with her full strength, so she dialed it back to being able to break rocks, Adora was still mad and Catra was still dangerous. 

Catra just spat out some blood, Adora was surprised when it was off to the side instead of in her face, and just said, “hey Adora,” like she always did, like she didn’t have an eight foot tall woman straddling and pinning her to the ground but it sounded false, like she wasn’t Catra. She sounded weak even without Adora restricting her air. It shocked Adora and she really saw Catra for the first time. She was a shadow of herself, Catra had always been thin and springy, but she was emaciated, Adora could feel Catra’s ribs beneath her, her face was gaunt and there were bags around her eyes, worst maybe were her eyes, one blue and the other yellow still, but they were dull and empty when they used to burn whether with life or anger. She wasn’t wearing her normal clothes, the tight speedsuit that let her have full mobility in battle. Instead she was dressed, casually, well casually for a normal person, a t-shirt and pants, it looked alien on her and seemed to hang off of her, but it would probably have passed for casual. 

Everything just stopped, the secret quiet part of her that took sick joy in making Catra bleed quieted down and Adora just stared into Catra’s eyes. She still thought they were beautiful, but they weren’t Catra’s eyes. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, she wasn’t supposed to attack Catra, every simulation, every nightmare Catra attacked her wild and angry, her eyes full of hate and Adora defended herself, she did what she needed to do. This…this wasn’t Catra it had to be one of her tricks, a robot, a hologram, kyle in a wig and body paint, anything. The real Catra wouldn’t have been caught so easily, she would’ve taken this opportunity to gut her, yet she laid beneath her unmoving and unafraid. 

“Adora,” Bow’s voice rang out and snapped her out of her head. He had an arrow knocked in his bow pointed at Catra, but he looked worried and unsure of what was going on than ready for a fight. Mermista and Seahawk were right behind him, the princess gathered water ready to use and Seahawk had his laser blade ignited ready to use. They didn’t look as afraid as Bow, but they did look worried. 

‘I must have looked pretty crazy just now,’ Adora thought. “I’m fine Bow,” she lied, “keep an eye out for any other Horde soldiers I’m sure this is a trap.” She got off of Catra and hoisted her up in the air by her collar, “What are you doing here and what are you planning? There’s nothing here for the Horde to take,” her anger started coming back, there were villages of fishermen on the coast but nothing that would be seen as even close to valuable, not even tactically to the Horde. What would be the point of endangering so many people? 

“I have no idea,” Catra said wheezing, “I haven’t been in the Horde in a long time.” 

“Liar,” Adora snarled, this wasn’t right, this wasn’t how things were supposed to be. Catra wasn’t supposed to roll over and be this…this thing, she was supposed to be her enemy. 

“Sorry to disappoint you Adora, but I left the Horde the same time Scorpia did,” Catra said completely unfazed by Adora’s anger. 

That made Adora pause, Catra was still dangerous, in her own way more dangerous than Hordak or Shadow Weaver, but she didn’t seem like she wanted to fight. Catra didn’t seem like she was planning something, she looked like she never wanted to fight ever again. “You say you left the Horde, where have you been then?” 

Catra just sighed, “you wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” she sounded…sorry which was ridiculous. Catra never felt sorry, she didn’t feel guilt or shame, she just did what she wanted without consequence or thinking how it affected others. 

“Tell me or I’ll throw you off the cliff,” Adora threatened moving her hand from the collar of Catra’s shirt to her throat. She was unsure of where this anger was coming from but it was just filling her. Of course she was angry at what Catra did, but she knew she wasn’t angry over Angella’s death or Catra opening the portal, just being around her was making her see red. 

“Adora,” Bow called out to her again and cut through the haze, he actually grabbed the arm holding Catra, Adora didn’t think he was that close. “We don’t do that,” he stated with the same gentle power he always had when he put his foot down, that he knew he couldn’t physically stop her from doing what she wanted, but he would anyway. 

“Well then what are we going to do with her Bow,” Adora lashed out, the anger was leaking out of her but not fast enough. “After everything she’s done we can’t just let her go, even if she is telling the truth,” and that was a big if, “she could still do who knows how much damage to anyone she comes across, the people she could hurt.” 

“We take her to Brightmoon, as a prisoner,” Bow said meeting her gaze, she might be the legendary She-Ra, but on the inside she was his friend Adora and he knew her. “By boat we could be there by nightfall.” 

“That worked out so well last time,” Adora replied, she knew she was being a brat but this was all wrong and just being around Catra was exhausting her. 

Bow didn’t flinch though she could see the hurt in his eyes, and she felt ashamed, “if I may,” Seahawk interrupted with a cough, “I’m not going to be exactly happy to have a Horde Force Commander on my ship, former or otherwise, but I can assure you that the Dragon’s Daughter Six is more equiped to transport prisoners than Bow and Glimmer on foot. She might not have a brig but she has good sturdy rope that is better at keeping things tied down than one of Bow’s arrows and it gives us more of a chance to keep an eye on our prisoner. Not to mention quicker as the Dragon’s Daughter Six threads through the waves as deftly as a seamstresses needle.” 

“Not to mention that I can control water…, and we’d be on a boat,” Mermista said in her dry almost mocking to pretend she didn’t care tone. “You’ve never been able to take your eyes off of her when she was just our enemy, I doubt you’re going to change that now that she’s our prisoner.” 

Their use of logic infuriated Adora, but she couldn’t help but agree when it was three to one, “fine,” she relented. “But I’m warning you Catra, I’ll be watching you and the minute whatever plan you’re going to try to hatch springs I’m going to be ready.” 

“I hear you loud and clear,” Catra replied in her weak mocking tone. 

“Good,” Adora said and Catra to her shoulder to make it easier for her to transport. She wrapped an arm around her like she was a rug and clamped a hand around both of Catra’s disturbingly thin wrists. “Let’s move,” she said turning to her real friends as she tried to ignore Catra’s squirming, not to mention how close Catra’s butt was to her. 

“Seriously Adora,” Catra squealed. For the first time since they reunited she sounded like she had some life in her. “I can walk on my own.” 

“Prisoner’s don’t get to decide how they’re transported,” Adora said hoping she sounded like a tough guard instead of a confused former friend. “If I let you walk you’d run.” 

“I’m not going to run,” Adora could practically hear Catra’s eyes rolling behind her. 

“And I’m not going to fall for your tricks anymore Catra. Now stop talking and stop squirming it will all be over soon.” 

For a second Catra was quiet, before letting out a quiet, “trust me I know,” to herself. It wasn’t like she wanted to be hoisted onto Adora’s shoulder like a box of blaster charges, but she couldn’t help but feel a pleasant tickle in her stomach. She pushed it down, she wasn’t here for herself, the last few months had changed Catra to her core, she wasn’t there for self-indulgence, she was there for justice, whatever that might mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seahawk is surprisingly difficult to write, I feel he's supposed to be silly not stupid and it's hard to balance so I wound up only giving him a bit of dialog with the others, same with Mermista. Mostly because the story is about Catra and Adora and later on Glimmer so I didn't feel all that incline to give them a lot of focus since they won't be. Also I know Adora seems out of character, that is intentional and will be explained later, I hope I got that across but if not I'll try to be more clear


	2. Questions asked, More Questions Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, the dialog can get a bit clunky, it's one of my weaknesses so I'm using this story to work on it. I hope you enjoy it all the same.

The journey to Brightmoon was awkward to say the least. When they got to the ship Mermista checked Catra over thoroughly to make sure she wasn’t trying to smuggle anything into the castle that could screw them over. Adora wanted to be the one to do it, but Mermista refused to budge since Adora was apparently to close to the whole thing. She wouldn’t even let Adora watch the inspection, which Adora thought was unfair but she waited outside with Seahawk and Bow while Mermista did her thing. Luckily it didn’t take long, Mermista came out looking paler than usual and told her that Catra was clean. 

Without waiting Adora charged back into the small area below deck where they were keeping her and started her vigil. Once they had gotten to the boat Adora returned to her normal form, She-Ra was too big and heavy to just be on the ship without slowing it down or putting it off balance. Besides, she fit better below deck as Adora, She-Ra would have a harder time moving around in the cramped cabin when Catra did whatever she was planning. Also, she wasn’t sure if the other would trust her alone with Catra if she was She-Ra, Adora wasn’t sure if she could blame them. 

Currently the former Horde Commander was buried under pounds of rope, all the Dragon’s Daughter 6 could spare. Her hands and feet were tied so that she couldn’t use her claws to get out but so Adora could see Catra’s hands at all times. The ropes were thick but Adora knew from experience Catra’s claws were sharp and could tear through the ropes the moment she wasn’t being watched. 

Adora pulled a chair over and spun it around so she could rest her head on the back while watching Catra, the Sword of Protection not far from her grasp at all times. She just watched Catra the blood boiling in her ears as she waited for her to make the first move. 

The first hour passed, then the second, when the third passed though, Catra finally broke the silence. “I’m not going to try and escape Adora,” Catra promised as she looked around the room with the barest sense of curiosity. 

“Right,” Adora said rolling her eyes, “I’m just supposed to trust you after everything we’ve been through, everything you’ve done to me? Why would I trust anything you say? I’m just supposed to think you’re not planning something when you’ve already memorized everything down here for anything useful.” 

Adora knew her, Catra had to admit, or at least the Catra she had pretended to be, the Catra she didn’t want to be anymore. “Fair enough,” Catra said she didn’t want to fight anymore, she was sick of fighting even if it was just with words. Besides, she couldn’t even pretend like Adora didn’t have a point. “Force of habit,” she said trying to sound casual, her own natural curiosity and need to find an escape route ingrained in her by being raised by Shadow Weaver. “Are you just going to stare at me until we get to Brightmoon?” 

“After all this time do you really think we can just talk about pranks to pull on Octavia or how many princesses we’re going to take down after they send us to the frontlines,” Adora asked bitterly. “We’ve tried to kill each other Catra, you tried to destroy the world just to spite me, do you really think we can just go back to what we were after everything that’s happened?” Her vision started to get blurry as her voice got louder, she didn’t even realize she had started crying until tears started to fall. 

Catra looked as miserable as Adora felt she regretted a lot of things, but hurting Adora was always at the top, coming in second maybe to trying to destroy Etheria, but even that had just been to hurt Adora than anything else. She wanted to say she was sorry, that she never wanted to, but that would be a lie, she had wanted nothing more at the time even if she could do anything to change what happened now. She couldn’t though, apologizing to Adora would be for her own sake not for Adora’s. Instead she swallowed the pain and just said, “yeah, you’re right.” 

“Stop doing that,” Adora roared as she stood up and tossed the chair to the side. It shattered into matchsticks but she didn’t care, “stop pretending like you’re reasonable, like you’ve changed. I can’t take it Catra, because there’s nothing in the world I want more than for us to be on the same side again but fighting for good. But I just know that it won’t ever happen, that it will never happen. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you to stab me in the back or in the front and we go back to being enemies. 

“I won’t Adora,” Catra promised sadly, she knew it would really matter, Adora wouldn’t ever trust her again. The worst part Catra couldn’t blame Adora for that, she could only blame herself. “For how little it’s worth, I won’t.” Catra couldn’t apologize to Adora, it didn’t matter how sorry she was, she couldn’t because it wouldn’t be for Adora, it would be for her. 

“That means less than nothing,” Adora spat out the lie. It shouldn’t have meant anything, it should have meant nothing, but Catra saying those words even if they were poisoned by her tongue made her heart ache to believe her. 

Adora was about to say something, but got interrupted, “um, Adora,” Bow said leaning his head into the doorway. “Is everything alright, we heard yelling,” he also heard smashing but didn’t want to bring that up. 

“I’m,” Adora started yelling but quieted herself, “I’m fine,” she got it down to a whisper but she couldn’t look him in the eye knowing she was lying. 

“Why don’t you get some air Adora, just a few minutes,” Bow suggested nervously. “Just to clear your head a bit.” He didn’t like her being alone with Catra at all, especially with both of them acting so strange. 

“Are you crazy, I can’t leave her alone,” Adora said 

“I’ll watch her and make sure she doesn't go anywhere,” Bow assured her. “Look you’re only going to get yourself worked if you just sit down here with her and it’s a long way to Brightmoon. I know Seahawk wouldn’t mind getting the Dragon’s Daughter 7 but we need to get back to the castle first.” 

Adora argued with him for a few more minutes but eventually she gave up, Bow was sweet and kind but could be even more stubborn than Glimmer when it came to his friend's health. “Fine I’ll go get some air,” she relented, “but don’t get too close to her and watch her hands, you don't know what she can do with them. I’m leaving to get some air Bow, I don’t want to come back to a hostage situation.” Sending one last glare at Catra she turned to leave. 

“Soooo…,” Bow started to say he had only wanted to get Adora to rest, talking to Catra wasn’t something he planned for, “how have you been?” 

Catra just gave him a look but humored him by making small talk. “I’ve been…, well I would say better but I’m not sure if I’ve ever been better if I had to think about it.” 

“Well…, you’re looking good,” Bow said lying poorly through his teeth. She looked awful, like really bad, even before Adora/She-Ra beat her face in. She looked like she hadn’t eaten or slept in days, her skin hung off of her like clothes that were three sizes too big. 

“Liar,” Catra said with a laugh, like a real laugh not the taunting mean spirited laughter that Catra howled from the other side of the battlefield. It was a real laugh, one like he would have heard Glimmer or Adora or any of his other friends before the whole portal incident happened and Brightmoon’s immortal queen died. It didn’t look like it fit Catra, but it was still nice to hear even from an enemy, the last few months had to few laughs. “It’s nice of you to say, but I’m a mess all over, I was before Adora hit me, I doubt I’m any prettier now.” 

That ended all conversation for a bit, at least until Catra opened her mouth, “I know you don’t owe me anything, but I just gotta ask if Shadow Weaver is still you know, ‘on your side,’” she couldn’t do air quotes tied up like she was, but the tone got the point across. 

“Um, yeah,” Bow said resigned, “she’s still in the Alliance, she’s actually in Brightmoon, she’s teaching Glimmer magic.” 

“Awe man,” Catra pouted despite her situation, “I really hoped I wouldn’t have to see her again. But I suppose that’s my luck. Thanks for telling me,” she said in a manner that could be considered pleasant from a normal person. She was surprised that she wasn't afraid to see Shadow Weaver, that her blood didn't boil at the chance to scream at her again, these last few months had been harder than anything she ever faced, but at least she could honestly say to herself that she didn't care about Shadow Weaver anymore. 

After that the awkward silence came back until Bow broke the silence, “Um, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened to you?” Bow knew how to fight Catra, at least could understand her as an enemy, but he wasn’t sure how to deal with a pleasant Catra who seemed calm and wasn’t trying to kill him. “I mean you were sort of all snarling and, ‘I’m going to kill you and wipe out Etheria if it’s the last thing I do,’ only a few months ago,” Bow said throwing up his hands in a poor imitation of Catra. “But now you’re look tired and hungry, but you’re really calm, and well, maybe not pleasant, but you’re a lot less scary than when I’ve had to fight you and it’s kind of scary.” 

Catra was quiet for a moment, so quiet that Bow wasn’t sure if she didn’t pass out from the pain or if he frustrated her to the point where she didnt’ want to talk anymore. “After I opened the portal,” Catra started to say, regret dripping from her voice, “I kind of woke up. Between my time in the portal and watching Adora fight that thi-, when Adora and I fought and she said that I needed to live with my choices, I realized she was right, crazy as it sounds. Shadow Weaver and Hordak messed with my head so much, but it doesn’t change that I was the one who tried to destroy the world out of spite, because I couldn’t let Adora win again.” 

“Yeah, that got pretty bad,” Bow said, it wasn’t like he could sugar coat it when Catra laid it out like that on her own. 

“That’s an understatement,” Catra said rolling her eyes, but there was no bite to it. Despite herself, Catra was starting to like Bow, he kind of reminded her of Scorpia, just smaller and a boy. Just thinking about her..., her friend added another dagger in Catra's heart. There were so many now that you'd think just another one wouldn't hurt so badly, but nope they all hurt the same as the first. “I-I couldn’t even remember why or what I was doing in the end, I just know that I wanted everything to end. After Shadow Weaver used me and left me for dead just so she could go to Adora.” 

‘What,’ Bow said, but Catra wasn’t paying attention to him now and just kept going. 

“I felt broken. When I saw Adora in the Crimson Wastes helpless and she told me about Shadow Weaver being in Brightmoon I just lost it. I just wanted everyone to hurt and when I saw her with Glimmer, nothing mattered, not friends, not enemies, I just wanted everything to end. When it didn’t, I realized what I became and left the Horde.” 

“But where did you go,” Bow couldn’t hate Catra like Glimmer and his anger towards Adora didn't burn as hot. He loved Angella, she was the mother he never had, but the image of Catra writhing on the ground while Shadow Weaver choked the life out of her while draining the life out of Glimmer, it was hard to hate someone when you saw them helpless like that. 

Catra was quiet for a moment before thinking about what she wanted to say. Finally she met Bow’s eyes, “does the Rebellion have a place that they send the people they want dead but don't want to bother doing the killing themselves?” 

“Of course not,” Bow said sounding shocked. 

“Yeah I suppose you guys are too noble for that,” Catra said sounding wistfully instead of condescending like when she was ‘captured’ by them what felt like a lifetime ago. “Well in the Horde we have a place called Beast Island, that’s where the bad soldiers go who don’t follow orders, trainees who drop to the ground before the drill instructor, people who piss off Hordak and Shadow Weaver and aren’t their favorite’s pet. It’s where monsters belong,” the bitterness seeped into Catra’s voice along with exhaustion. “It’s supposed to make the Crimson Wastes look like a free 24 hours at the commissary with all the ration bars you could eat. The fake Crimson Wastes where nobody survives or returns from, not the real fun one where you can take what you want if you’re strong enough.” 

“That doesn’t sound like a place you want to go,” Bow said awkwardly. He would walk into the Crimson Wastes for his friends without a second thought if he had to, but the way Catra described it, whatever happened there was the reason she was so different. 

“Depends,” Catra said wincing in pain, Adora had done a number on her earlier, “sometimes even if you don’t want to do something you need to do it.” 

“You’re really hurt,” Bow said sympathetically and moved to check out her stomach. 

“Don’t,” Catra said with resignation, “I heal quickly. Besides, Adora would scream her head off if you get too close to me.” 

Bow’s inborn desire to help and heal battle with his knowledge that she was right, whatever mood Adora was in she wouldn’t want him going near her. She had warned him to not get close and would freak out if she saw him close enough to pounce on. 

Luckily for him Adora didn’t leave him much choice as she walked down the wooden steps to the makeshift brig. “I got my air and I’m back Bow,” she said announcing herself, “did she give you any trouble?” 

“No, we just talked,” Bow said unsure if he should share anything they talked about. Catra didn’t look like she cared if he did, but Adora didn’t look like she’d be willing to listen. “She’s hurt Adora and I think there’s other stuff wrong with her,” that was all he was going to say. He might not know, or even like Catra, but he didn’t want her to suffer. 

“I’m fine,” Catra said rolling her eyes, it made her feel dizzy which didn’t help with the rest of her body screaming in pain, but it was worth it. 

“Cut the crap Catra, I could have broken you in half if I wanted to,” Adora said, “I held back but I still should have knocked you unconscious three times over. You’re injured, don’t try to hide it. You’re not dying until you pay for your crimes so quit being a brat and tell me what’s wrong. 

“I have a broken rib and feel a bit dizzy, that’s all,” Catra said with a sigh. 

Matching Catra’s sigh Adora examined her former friend since she knew her so well once upon a time, “that means you have at least 3 broken ribs and possibly a concussion, but you couldn’t just admit that. Why do you have to be so difficult?” Without a word she pointed the Sword of Protection and thrust it forward towards Catra’s face. 

Adora had to give Catra credit, the other girl didn’t even flinch when the sword came at her, her fearless courage was one of the many things Adora had loved about Catra when they were on the same side. Adora closed her eyes and channeled her energy through and used the flat of the blade to make Catra meet her eyes. They were tired, so tired and full of regret, Adora felt an immense wave of pity for her…for her enemy. ‘She’s not your Catra, not anymore,’ Adora said to herself as she hardened her heart. The light of the sword flowed through Catra for a moment before Adora pulled the blade away, “I healed your head, we both know head injuries can be worse than they appear, but I don’t see the point of healing your ribs since they’ll be healed this time tomorrow without any help. They’ll slow you down if and when you try to escape anyway.” 

Adora turned to walk away, for the first time since they met again that Adora showed Catra her back. Then she heard the two words that she never expected to hear from Catra in a million years, “thank you.” The words were like a knife through the heart and tears started to escape but Adora forced them down. She promised herself that she would stop crying over Catra after the portal, she’d be damned if she was going to let her see her cry. Bow saw the tears, but he didn’t say anything. 

Luckily Mermista broke the silence, “hey Seahawk says that we’re getting close to Brightmoon, it’s gonna get a bit bumpy since we’re going to be traveling overland for a bit to be quicker so hold on to something,” and without waiting for an answer she left to go on deck. 

Bow immediately left to go on deck, he knew the danger of getting knocked around below deck, but Adora stayed below. She wasn’t going to let Catra out of her sight until they got to Brightmoon. “We’ll be in Brightmoon soon,” Adora told Catra as she braced herself against a wall, “do you know what’s waiting for you there, who? Glimmer’s the queen now and if you thought I was angry than you haven’t seen anything yet.” 

Catra didn’t say anything, she was feeling seasick as it was, she didn’t need to think about what was going to happen when they rode the water controlled by magic. But she heard Adora all the same, but what she didn’t tell Adora was that was the reason she was there, that Glimmer was one of the reasons she came back. It wouldn’t matter what she said to Adora, she wouldn’t believe her, so Catra just closed her eyes and tried to think back on happier times, the few that she had, and pretended her stomach didn’t drop as the ship rose from the river and into the air. Her own discomfort didn't matter, not really, it's not why she came back to the mainland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want Catra to have a nice civilized conversation with someone like Bow or maybe Perfuma, maybe Seahawk, someone kind and nice that is good at talking and listening. I love her and Adora but there's a reason they always end up fighting and arguing, they're both really bad at talking which isn't a surprising given who raised them.  
I wanted to have Bow and Catra have a conversation also because Bow's sort of the only one who actually saw how Shadow Weaver treated her in the Frightzone. Adora always has a bit of a lens filtering her perception of things and Glimmer was too busy being used as a battery by Shadow Weaver to really care. I think Bow would be sympathetic, he is the best boy afterall. Yesterday was apparently his birthday, I tried to get this chapter out for that, but alas I couldn't get it done in time.  
Just a warning it's probably going to get pretty dark and heavy from here on out, please read the tags for your own good, if it sounds like this story isn't something you'd want to read going forward it's fine, your own mental health comes first


	3. The Queen's Command

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to be clear before you read this chapter, I'm not a fan of Glimmer, I don't hate her but I just don't like the character. That being said I try to be fair to all the characters and hope she doesn't come across as a badly written caricature. She's not supposed to be evil here just mislead by someone who is all too willing to take advantage of her moment of weakness. she's just a princess who never thought she would be queen, never thought she would be without angella and is now forced to accept the reality that she was wrong on both accounts.  
I just worry that I'm not being fair to her and it might come across here. so please tell me what you think

Catra had to hand it to Shadow Weaver, she might have been a horrible guardian and a horrible person overall, but she was at least a good magic teacher. Her skin was still sizzling from the light blasts Glimmer had shot her with the moment she saw them bring her in. Months ago, they would be annoying and maybe blinding if they caught you right in the face, but Catra had never really felt them before if she was being honest. Now though, they knocked her on her ass. 

She didn’t really know what had happened after that since she was dazed and less than conscious after Glimmer’s initial barrage, but she was dragged somewhere and placed alone in a room. Sometime along the way Catra’s hands got placed into real shackles instead of tied by rope which Catra appreciated. She wasn’t going to even try to escape, even if she wasn’t where she wanted to be, she had promised Adora she wouldn’t, Catra stopped breaking her promises after Beast Island. Still, she had been tempted to escape and come back when they put the rope around her wrists just on principle but decided against it. 

After her eyes came back Catra observed the room, it was..., nice, it was practically homey compared to the bunks in the Frightzone, even better than her own room she got as a force captain and Hordak’s second in command. Still, it pales in comparison to her room on Beast Island, in New Moon, her ho-, but that didn’t matter anymore, it was her prison and there was a good chance she was going to die in here. She just closed her eyes and got some rest, it wasn’t going to be pleasant. She just hoped that maybe now that she was here, maybe the nightmares wouldn’t come so loudly. 

  
  


As Catra slept, the best friend squad were discussing what they were going to do with her. “I don’t see why I can’t just go in there and finish her off myself,” Queen Glimmer of Brightmoon yelled as her hands burned with vibrant magical light. 

“She’s a prisoner Glimmer,” Adora argued back, she didn’t blame Glimmer for wanting Catra dead, when she first saw her again after all this time Adora did too, but it didn’t change that she was a prisoner. It also didn’t change that she had a soft spot in her heart for Catra and always will. 

“She’s a criminal, just because my mother didn’t have criminals put to death during her rule doesn’t mean there isn’t a precedent. As queen I have the right to order any criminals in my kingdom executed,” Glimmer shot back. She was angry, no she was furious, the woman who killed her mother was in a cell a few doors down still breathing while her mother was trapped in the void between worlds for all eternity, how was that fair. 

“Yes,” Bow sighed, “as queen you are technically allowed allowed to order criminals executed, however it’s always been after they’ve been found guilty in a trial.” He didn’t blame Glimmer, but he also loved her too much to go down this path. 

“We all know she’s guilty, we were all there,” Glimmer shot back. 

“But a trial is still necessary, everyone deserves a chance to plead their case Glimmer,” Bow shot back standing to his full height. He had grown up with Glimmer and loved her more than anyone else on Etheria, he wouldn’t let her turn into a monster due to losing Angella, it’s what Angella would want too. 

“Can you technically even try Catra as a criminal,” Adora asked more out of curiosity than anything, it’s been a stressful day and her mind was wandering. 

“Of course I can,” Glimmer said angrily, "I'm the queen." 

“I just mean that she’s not actually a citizen of Brightmoon, I think. I don’t even know where she came from, where she was born,” Adora got a thoughtful look on her face. 

“It doesn’t matter, she’s done too much damage to be able to walk away,” Glimmer simmered her anger abit, she didn’t like to remember that Cara had been raised in the Horde her whole life. It was harder to think of her as her mother’s killer when she knew Catra hadn’t been born into the Horde by choice, that she didn’t join it by choice. She made her choice but she didn’t choose to be made into a monster, it made it harder for Glimmer, but her desire for vengeance burned hot enough to ignore it. “My mothers dead because of her, that’s good enough reason to put her to death,” noticing the looks on Bow and Adora’s faces she continued, “but out of respect for you two I won’t have her executed, yet.” 

“That might not be the best choice my queen,” Shadow Weaver said as she entered the room, as the queen’s royal advisor she had the right to be at Glimmer’s side when she had meetings and the guards couldn’t stop her. She was far stronger than she had been when she limped into Brightmoon months ago a hair’s breadth from the grave. She might not have a bond with a runestone keeping her alive anymore, but she had returned to her roots as a powerful sorceress, it wasn’t the same but it kept her alive and empowered. “Catra for all her faults, her many many faults, does possess a fiendish sort of cleverness that can be dangerous when underestimated. It would be better to simply end her and be done with it before she has the chance to become a thorn in your side.” 

“She’s helpless in a cell,” Bow argued against that, “she’s cooperated, she hasn’t thrown a single punch since we captured her. She’s barely been rude, there’s no reason to kill her right now.” 

“If I recall you had her captured before and she lead you into a trap then easily escaped. If Queen Glimmer hadn’t been wise enough sense Catra’s plot and save her magic both of you would have been captured by the Horde again.” 

“If I recall when we were captured you tortured the queen and berated her for being insignificant,” Bow shot back the fear was evident in his eyes but he stood his ground. 

“Enough,” Glimmer shouted, magic light leaking out of her in response to her emotions. “This is pointless, I said I wouldn’t sentence her to death right now,” she shot Shadow Weaver a look. “But that might change and you two have to be aware of that,” she said looking at Bow and Adora. “At the very least I’m not going to have Catra killed until I’ve spoken to her, I want to look my mother’s killer in the face when she answers for her crimes.” 

“Tomorrow Glimmer,” Bow begged, “it’s late, she’s in a forcefield, she won’t be doing anything tonight. Tomorrow the oth-, the princesses are coming for the meeting, you need your rest. Just take tonight and we can start tomorrow off with a new slate.” 

Glimmer looked like she wanted to argue, but she relented for Bow, if nothing else. “Fine, I’ll wait until tomorrow morning. But no later, I don’t want this put off until she finds a way to escape and give us more headaches. Tell Perfuma to bring Entrapta and Scorpia with her,” Glimmer ordered. “If I come to a decision about what to do with her we’ll have a trial and I want anyone and everyone who she’s hurt to speak against her. Dismissed,” she said pointing at the door. When the three of them moved to leave but Glimmer spoke up again, “Not you Shadow Weaver, I need something from you.” 

Somehow Shadow Weaver managed to give Bow a smug look despite wearing a mask on her face before bowing to Glimmer, “of course your highness, I live to serve.” 

After Bow and Adora left Glimmer turned to Shadow Weaver, she didn’t trust the sorceress, but she trusted her enough to use her to learn magic. “If I’m going to talk to Catra tomorrow, I need to know what I’m hearing is the truth. She’s good at twisting things around and being confusing to the point where you don’t even get the answers came to get. Is there a spell that can force her to tell the truth?” 

“Of course your highness,” Shadow Weaver nodded, “there is a simple truth spell, it’s not hard to learn, though like all spellwork you must be neat and precise otherwise the spell won’t work. Ask you aunt.” 

“Don’t push your luck Shadow Weaver,” Glimmer glowered, she might not like that her aunt never offered to teach her to use magic like a sorceress, but she loved Castaspella and she was Glimmer’s last living relative, she wouldn’t let anyone say anything bad about her. 

“I apologize for overstepping my queen,” Shadow Weaver replied quickly, “I simply loathe the idea of potential being wasted by those who don’t know how to get it to blossom to its full potential. The truth spell as I said is simple, someone with your gifts could easily master it before tomorrow, however…,” she trailed off. 

“What? Does the spell require some special components or something hard to get focus,” Glimmer asked already intrigued. She really loved sorcery, she wished her mother and aunt let her learn it instead of keeping her shackled to the magic she was born with. She didn’t mind her powers but she wanted to be a fighter instead of a joke, she wanted to be a warrior mage like her father not a pretty princess for her mother’s court. 

“No my dear,” Shadow Weaver said all too happy to be speaking to an enthusiastic audience. “The issue is Catra herself. You see the truth spell doesn’t so much compel the target to tell the truth, rather it makes them unable to lie. As you said Catra is good,” she shuddered in disgust at having to compliment the runt of the litter, “at misleading you down the wrong path by playing on weaknesses and despite the spell she could talk all day without a single lie and you wouldn’t gain any new knowledge. If that was the case.” 

“Why wouldn’t it,” Glimmer asked her curiosity getting the better of her. 

“Well,” Shadow Weaver stroked the bottom of her mask thoughtfully to play up the depth of her knowledge, “Catra is a noisy stubborn creature. While I often had to take…, alternate, measures to ensure she stopped her incessant rambling when she was in my care, she might choose to not say a word, and the spell would be doing it’s job perfectly.” 

“I see,” Glimmer’s face dropped, it was too good to be true. She didn’t want to talk to Catra, not really, she just wanted to blast the Horde force captain with magic until she felt better. But still, she needed to know why? Why she went crazy, why she was willing to destroy all of Etheria for, from Catra’s own mouth, she needed to know what her mother had sacrificed herself for. “I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.” 

“All is not lost my dear Glimmer,” Shadow Weaver smiled under her mask as she watched Glimmer look defeated. “The normal spell that they teach in Mystacor is cheap and ineffectual against a slippery liar like Catra. However, in my own studies I’ve created a spell similar to the truth spell, but far more effective against stubborn creatures like Catra. It only compels them to talk while leaving them unable to lie like the original. In addition the spell takes into account if the target meanders from the conversation and painfully reminds them to stay on track.” 

“That’s torture,” Glimmer whispered horrified. She wanted answers, she wanted closure, she wanted to be jusitified when she blasted Catra into oblivion, but she didn’t want to torture her for the answers. 

Realizing she over played her hand, Shadow Weaver took a different approach, “I know that it seems harsh, but this is war Glimmer. You are noble and of course you don’t want to torture information out of your foes, I don’t either, but your enemies aren’t like you, Catra certainly isn’t.” 

“I don’t know,” Glimmer said moving away from Shadow Weaver and rubbing her arms to feel warm despite the hot night air. “Bow said that she cooperated and didn’t even attack them, Adora said the same thing, maybe I don’t need the spell to do this, I can interrogate her without it,” she said trying to give herself an out. 

“My dear, I know you have a soft heart that yearns for peace, but in times of war a queen must be strong,” Shadow Weaver said looming over Glimmer. “Your friends are the same, but Bow is a kind boy and bright in so many ways, but his heart is soft and he doesn’t have the responsibilities nor has he had to face loss like you have. As for Adora,” Shadow Weaver sighed, she was supposed to be her pride and joy, yet her heart was the softest of all. “I love Adora as any mother could love a daughter, but Adora loved Catra more than anything in the world, yet when the time came to pick a side Catra chose the Horde every time breaking her heart over and over.” 

Glimmer didn’t answer, she was scared of how much sense Shadow Weaver was making, and so Shadow Weaver continued knowing she had Glimmer. “Adora is powerful and sweet, but despite what she pretends she has always seen Catra with rose colored glasses and would forgive her for anything and everything. But I know Catra better than anyone, she was my daughter as much as Adora was and it pains me to say it, she’s a lost cause. No matter what I tried she grew into the vicious nasty creature she was born to be. She will not tell you what you need to know and will laugh as you stumble over your words and she drives you mad.” 

“Still…, Catra’s a person, I’m not sure if I -,” Glimmer started to say as her resolve crumbled. 

“Queen Glimmer,” Shadow Weaver interrupted taking the offensive, one more push was all she needed. “You are blessed with great power and your father’s talent, you have the potential to be one of the greatest sorceresses in history. But now you need your mother’s courage,” the way Glimmer’s eyes went wide Shadow Weaver knew she had her. “Queen Angella was my foe for many years, despite that I respected her ability to keep her kingdom safe. Yet for all her power and knowledge she regretted how her fear held her back her entire immortal life, calling herself a coward in her last moments according to Adora. I don’t think she was a coward, but I do think she was right, she spent too much time frozen because of what may be instead of trying for what could be. She couldn’t do what needed to be done and it cost her much. But you can, you know what needs to be done and you let nothing stop you, you have, it’s why you found Adora and brought her to the right side, because of you the alliance is whole again for the first time in decades. I urge you to find your courage and do what needs to be done now instead of looking upon your life in regret like your mother did,” she cupped Glimmer’s face, the poor girl looked like she was about to cry and it broke Shadow Weaver’s heart. Angella and Castaspella were fools to let her go untaught, to let her talents go underutilized. But Shadow Weaver wouldn’t, she would teach Glimmer and show her how high she could reach with the right tutelage and Glimmer would thank her in the end even if she didn’t realize it now. 

“Teach me the spell,” Glimmer said wiping the tears out of her face, her eyes burned with determination. 

Beneath her mask Shadow Weaver smiled, “of course my queen,” she bowed one last time and with that she started to show Glimmer the patterns necessary to perform the spell. 

  
  
  
  


It was morning, there wasn’t any natural light in her cell, but Catra just knew, years of of living a soldier’s life ingrained her to waking up at dawn every day. She used to always just go back to sleep, she didn’t care if she was going to get yelled at anyway. She also knew that she wasn’t alone, like Adora, she could just sense Shadow Weaver before she saw her. 

“Lazy as always Catra, I see not much has changed,” Shadow Weaver loomed over her, Glimmer was behind her looking angry but not out of control like the other day. Adora and Bow just stayed quiet behind them. 

Catra just sighed, it wasn’t like this wasn’t the worst way she had ever woken up, maybe top five, but not the worst. The day wasn’t going to get any better so she just sighed and sat up ready to face whatever came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the next chapter is hopefully as exciting for you all as it will be for me because the idea is the reason why I started this story.


	4. Interrogation part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really glad you guys are liking the story, I will try to keep this pace up until I finish but I don't promise anything. Thank you for everyone who left kudos and especially comments, I read them all and they touch my heart.  
I also want to warn people that this chapter and the next few is where it starts to get pretty dark, at least for a while, then hopefully it will get lighter. I think the tags should be enough of a warning, but I still want to warn people about this. Be careful, I'm glad you like the story and want to read it, but your own mental health should always come first.

Seeing how she woke up surrounded by the people she wrong who would decide her fate, and Shadow Weaver, Catra wasn’t in a good mood, but she tried to be civil at least for as much as it would get her. So she said, “good morning,” as neutrally as she could. Of course that wasn’t good enough for everyone. 

“You will not address the queen so disrespectfully,” Shadow Weaver sneered at Catra. 

‘As always, nothing Catra can do will ever be right in your eyes,’ Adora thought bitterly. She was angry at Catra, but now that she was in the same room as Shadow Weaver Adora realized that the anger she had for Catra paled when compared to the fury she held towards Shadow Weaver. Now that they were in the same room all Adora could feel was shame, that she never protected Catra as much as she should, that she never took Catra seriously when she made Shadow Weaver out to be a monster, maybe if she had…, things wouldn’t have turned out this way. Catra was still guilty of a lot, but it was harder to hate someone you loved for real than someone who never loved you at all. Around Catra her heart broke, around Shadow Weaver her hands found their way around the Sword of Protection. 

To Adora’s surprise though Catra didn’t look afraid, she didn’t even look angry, “on what planet does saying ‘good morning’ to someone sound disrespectful,” Catra asked not rising from her pile on the ground. Adora knew Catra better than anyone and knew her tells; the way she would curl up slightly when she was upset, the way her ears would flatten when she got really angry, the way her claws would start to inch out when she was afraid. But nothing about her body language showed she was afraid or angry with Shadow Weaver so close, maybe a bit annoyed but that was it. That was all she showed when her empty eyes met Shadow Weaver’s gaze. What had happened to her these last few months that made her so different. 

Shadow Weaver surged forward looking like she was going to personally discipline Catra, but she was stopped before Adora could do anything, “enough!” Glimmer was already uncomfortable enough with what was going on, she didn’t need to spend an hour listening to Shadow Weaver and Catra snipe at each other. “I came here for a reason and it isn’t listening to you two,” she said placing herself between Catra and Shadow Weaver. She was brave, but Adora couldn’t help but think she looked so tiny and fragile compared to the two members of the Horde, former members of the Horde? It didn’t matter, Adora was always on Glimmer’s side, but Glimmer didn’t even look like she was on her side. “I’m going to ask you some questions and you are going to tell me the truth.” 

Catra turned from Shadow Weaver to the queen who looked even younger than her, definitely softer, the war had been part of her life, but she hadn’t been born into it, it hadn’t consumed her yet. The hate in her eyes was almost soft when she glared at Catra, Catra knew she deserved it. “Alright, what do you want to know?” 

“Not yet your highness,” Shadow Weaver interrupted, “remember we don’t know if this,” she let the words fall while gesturing at Catra. The implication was clear, “will be honest with us as you know very well, it’s why I taught you the spell last night. I promised to do what I can to help you get the answers you wanted. You just need to cast it,” she let her words drop off again. She found it was easier to manipulate people into doing what she wanted by letting them fill the blanks in for themselves. 

“R-right,” Glimmer said taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. This…this wasn’t right, she knew that, but it was also Catra, the one who took her mom away. The Horde’s second in command who captured them and mocked them, that broke Adora’s heart over and over, sure she’d be hurt but didn’t she deserve to be hurt after all she’s done? 

Catra watched as Glimmer started to trace the patterns slow and meticulously, Catra didn’t know much about magic, but she knew people and she could tell Glimmer was stalling. “I know you don’t care your majesty,” Catra said seeing how hard this was for the young queen, “but I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I know you don’t believe me, that you have no reason to believe me, but I am,” she said standing up, she couldn’t help but glance at Adora even though she tried her hardest not to. “I’m not going to lie to you, but whatever you need to do to get you closure, whatever spell you need to cast I consent,” she said looking Glimmer in the eye, blue and yellow met purple and Catra raised her arms to face whatever came. 

“I don’t need your permission,” Glimmer said with as much venom she could muster, which wasn’t much. This wasn’t what she had imagined when she pictured forcing Catra to pay for her crimes. She expected a wild animal barely capable of speech snarling and cursing at all of them once she was defeated. She expected defiance and obstence, that Glimmer would burst in and slam Catra into a wall to force answers out of her not… this. This was a sad shadow of her former enemy, she seemed regretful, but Glimmer couldn’t tell how much was an act. It was too much to think about, she completed the spell as quickly as she could because just to stop thinking about this. 

Once the last line was done the lines glowed a deep angry red, very different from the normal calm blue lines her spells normally created. That wasn’t the only way it was different though, between Shadow Weaver and her aunt, Glimmer knew the foundation of spellcasting. Lines and curves were the foundation of casting a spell, but there was more power in jagged angles. Despite how unbalanced they were, Shadow Weaver used jagged angles into her spells, they looked like red fangs now that Glimmer saw it glowing with magic. 

Before she could decide to use it against Catra it tore away from her and struck her enemy diving into her stomach. For a moment Catra’s whole body glowed red but it quickly faded. “Did it work,” Bow asked nervously. 

“I-I think so,” Glimmer said just as nervous, she wasn’t sure how it was supposed to work. The spell her aunt used was just held in her hands like a shield, she didn’t expect it to go inside of Catra like that. “It’s a spell that makes it so she can’t lie and can’t distract us, but I’ve never cast it before so I’m not sure how it works.” 

“Of course it worked,” Shadow Weaver said smugly, “you cast the spell perfectly Glimmer,” and smiled behind her mask when Glimmer beamed with pride at the praise. “If you need proof, we just need to show what it can do,” and without saying anything she turned towards Catra. 

Catra didn’t say anything or even acknowledge Shadow Weaver, she only examined what she could of her own body to see what the spell could do. Eventually she found nothing wrong with her, but that didn’t mean much with magic, and turned to face Glimmer, “what do you want me to do?” 

“First I need to know it’s working,” Glimmer said trying to sound braver than she was now that magic tingled through her fingers. “Lie,” she commanded excited to see Catra punished. 

“Glimmer we don’t need to start with a test, we just need to -,” Adora started to say. This whole interrogation was grossing her out, Catra might be evil, but this just felt unfair to let Shadow Weaver have full reigns when she had been on the other side not that long ago. 

But Adora didn’t get to finish her thought when Catra interrupted with a simple yet firm, “I hate you,” as she looked at Adora. Then a lot of things happened as Adora turned to meet Catra’s and the world slowed down for the Princess of Power. 

First she had been shocked that hating her was the lie that Catra used to test out the spell. But before she could even say anything the veins on Catra’s neck and arms glowed with the angry red light of the spell, her eyes went wide, and her mouth opened as if to scream but no sound came out as she collapsed onto the ground in a twitching pile. “Catra,” Adora screamed as she ran to her…, to Catra’s fallen body. The magic barrier only kept things from getting out, it didn’t stop things from getting in so she was able to touch her. She was breathing, it was shallow but she was still alive and that was enough for relief to flow into her heart, even after all Catra had done, she couldn’t let her go. 

“Glimmer stop the spell,” Bow yelled running up to his best friends. “Glimmer,” he yelled again shaking his catatonic friend, Glimmer could only watch, horrified as the glowing in Catra’s veins eventually Glimmer came too. 

“R-right,” Glimmer managed to say through a sob in her throat, “how do I stop the spell,” she said turning to Shadow Weaver. 

“You can’t stop the spell,” Shadow Weaver said sounding confused, she was enjoying the show until Adora needed to play hero. She loved the girl but Shadow Weaver wished she grew out of the naivete stage, it would have been better for all of them if she had. “The purpose of the spell is to compel the truth out of someone, if it could be turned off like one of those spells for weaklings they teach at Mysticor then it would be pointless. The spell will end in 24 hours, it would cost too much energy from the caster to last longer, but I don’t understand, this is what you wanted.” 

“I didn’t want this,” Glimmer said through tears, “I thought she’d get a little shock every time she lied so we would know when she lied. I didn’t want to torture her.” 

“A little pain can be blocked out or ignored,” Shadow Weaver said stoically, what was with the rebellion and coddling weakness in the ones that showed the most potential, “spies can be trained to lie through pain and end up costing their interrogators more than the information they came to collect. there are those who can shrug off blades and shocks, our prisoner among them, yet not many can have much bravado when they’re attacked from the inside. Catra for all her faults has a much higher pain threshold than most, she could lie and act as if her words were true which would end up costing the lives of countless soldiers who depend on you to lead them. Perhaps it is cruel, but in war even the victors end up dirty in the end. My spell, the spell you cast, ensures her cooperation and means she won’t hurt anyone else with her words.” 

“I-I,” Glimmer stuttered, this wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be the hero, Catra was the villain, she’s the one who killed her mother, the one who did so much damage as Hordak’s right hand. So why did she feel like the bad guy? 

“It’s fine,” Catra said as she roused herself enough to sit up without Adora’s help. “I agreed to this, you don’t need the spell, I’m not going to lie to you, but I don’t blame you for using it.” 

“And we’re just supposed to take you at your word,” Shadow Weaver sneered. 

“Unless you’re the liar here,” Catra snarled back, for the first time life seemed to come back into her eyes, “I’m telling the truth. So why don’t we stop wasting time and get on with it,” 

“Catra you can’t be serious,” Adora said trying to get Catra to look at her. She regretted how she acted the day before, she was so angry, but she didn’t want to see her hurt. “You can’t even stand.” 

“I’m fi-,” Catra started to say with a bit of fire but bit her bottom lip before the word got out. She wasn’t fine, she wasn’t fine before the spell and she wasn’t fine now, if she finished she knew her blood would boil and she’d be begging for death even more than she already is. “I’ve felt worse,” she said instead glaring at Shadow Weaver. She knew that Shadow Weaver wasn’t responsible for what she did, but the socereress certainly helped Catra become what she was more than she had to. “And I don’t need to stand to confess.” 

“Charming as always,” Shadow Weaver said sarcastically, “my queen the prisoner is ready to continue. Ask her all the questions that have been keeping you up at night, haunting you.” 

Glimmer was still frozen, after Catra said she wouldn’t lie under the spell even without it, that meant Glimmer didn’t even need to do this. Whatever this was. She felt like she couldn't breathe, Shadow Weaver loomed over her trying to push her into the interrogation, Bow and Adora looking at her like they didn’t know her. 

Ironically only Catra seemed to be on her side, despite what just happened she didn’t look at Glimmer with disappointment or fear, just just looked Glimmer in the eye. “I told you I was fine with whatever spell you cast and I am your Highness, ask your questions and I’ll answer them.” 

That gave Glimmer enough strength to move on from fear to anger, “why…why did you do it? Why activate the portal when you knew it was going to destroy Etheria? Why did my mom have to die?” 

Catra looked ashamed, something none of them would have thought possible a few months ago, and took a moment to clear her thoughts. “Look, you’re not going to like the answer, if you’re sure I’ll -,” she started to say but was interrupted as she suddenly felt like a nail was pounded into her brain. 

“No stalling Catra,” Shadow Weaver said harshly, she knew exactly what was happening. She stared at Catra with disdain, such a weak mongrel of a girl. Why she didn’t just leave Catra in the wreckage of her burning city when she was a baby Shadow Weaver didn’t know, but she’d been nothing but a pain and disappointment since she ripped the child from her dying father’s arms. If the man knew what he had died protecting before hand he probably would have just handed her over out of gratitude. 

“I was angry,” Catra said through clenched teeth knowing it probably sounded like an excuse, “I was miserable, I felt worthless and tossed aside, I for a moment I realized that nothing I did would matter to the Horde, I wish I kept that one to heart. I just wanted everything to end. I didn’t care about anyone or anything, I just wanted it to end. I know it’s selfish and I wish I had an answer that painted me in a better light, but I don’t. I’m a selfish monster and I wanted to destroy everything because I’m me.” 

“So my mother is dead because you threw a tantrum,” Glimmer yelled and sobbed. The stress was getting to her and she didn’t care about her dignity anymore. 

Catra felt miserable, she didn’t want this anymore than Glimmer did, but she wasn’t there for her, “yes.” 

Glimmer roared with rage, her magic bursting out of her responding to her anguish. She raised a hand and blasted Catra with her natural magic instead of sorcery, it felt more personal. When the catgirl was blasted to the floor Glimmer didn’t give her a chance to recover and tackled Catra. The magic inside of her welled up, begging to be used, but Glimmer just whaled on the other girl’s face with her bare hands just trying to get the pain inside to stop. 

It didn’t help, Catra wasn’t even fighting back, she wasn’t taunting her like Glimmer imagined, this was wrong. She knew it, Catra was bound and defenseless, while she had magic, but everything hurt so badly she needed to get it the pain out. Luckily even if Glimmer couldn’t stop herself she had friends who cared enough to stop her. She didn’t know how long it took, but Bow and Adora each took an arm and wrenched her away from Catra as she cried. 

“You shouldn’t have stopped the queen,” Shadow Weaver said once they brought her out of the barrier. “She needs this.” 

“Glimmer needs a lot of things but she doesn’t need this,” Bow said angrily. He didn’t care how powerful or scary she was, he would have rounded on her and gotten into her face so quickly if Glimmer didn’t need his support right now. He might not like Shadow Weaver, but Glimmer would always come first to him and she needed him. 

“I hate to agree with the hag,” Catra said flipping to her feet as if nothing happened, “but I think she’s right.” She spat the words out along with a bit of blood, she was surprisingly relieved when there wasn’t a tooth there. Someone needed to teach that princ-, the queen how to throw a real punch. Sure her face hurt a bit, there was probably some bruising, but she’d be fine in a few hours, if she was still alive by then. Queen Glimmer was scrappy and hotblooded, but she didn’t telegraphed her moves blatantly, her teleporting could compensate a bit but not enough. 

“I don’t care what you think,” Glimmer screamed finally letting the beast out. “Do you know what you’ve done, do you even regret it?” 

“Yes,” Catra said quietly, but they could all hear her, “I regret all of it. I’m sorry that I opened the portal, I’m sorry that I killed your mom, I’m even sorry for the pain I’m causing you now.” 

“And that’s supposed to make everything better? That you just say you’re sorry and we just welcome you with open arms,” Glimmer snarled. She realized the hypocrisy when she had two former Horde officers by her side right now, but they didn’t try to blow up the planet. 

“No your majesty,” Catra said shaking her head, she was so tired she just wanted to get on with it, “I didn’t come here to join the rebellion, I didn’t come here to make nice or have to deal with her,” she said gesturing with her head towards Shadow Weaver. 

“Well than what did you come here for Catra because this isn’t helping,” Adora said frustrated. This whole situation was a mess, Glimmer was breaking down, Shadow Weaver was looming, and Catra… well Adora wasn’t angry at Catra, not exactly. She was angry over how calm she was, how she un-Catralike she was being, but she couldn’t be angry at Catra, not now when she’s so weak and angry. 

“I mean, isn't it obvious? I came her for the same reason I went to Beast Island Adora,” Catra said casually as if they were talking about the weather, “I came here to die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I know that this feels like half a chapter, because it kind of is, but I couldn't resist that cliffhanger. It also just felt like a a good place to end so I don't keep you guys waiting because I realize I tend to get bored and forget about stories if I wait to long.  
I do want you all to know, that while Catra is definitely good as sides go and isn't' evil anymore doesn't mean she's exactly in a good place. Her redemption to become a not evil person happened on Beast Island, but she's still not in a good mental state, which you can probably tell by the ending  
Also to anyone wondering why Catra didn't just say that she had a breakdown because Shadow Weaver took advantage of her and abandoned her under the truth spell, there are 2 reasons. 1) it doesn't make for a very good multichapter story, it would be satisfying but it would also resolve things too quickly. 2) Catra right now is full of self-loathing and took Adora's speech at the end of season 2.5/3 about making choices and living with them to heart a bit too much. I actually have a few problems with that confrontation, I'm not going to get into it now, but to me it only works at all because it's Adora who was also raised by Shadow Weaver, but it does sort of fall flat. they were both abused emotionally, but Catra did suffer worse and I'll argue with anyone who says otherwise. Catra is responsible for the things she's done but the whole thing really came off victim blaming to me


	5. What Happened to Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy you guys are enjoying this story so much, your reviews and comments warm my heart. I would apologize for all the pain I've caused, but the tags were fair enough warning.  
I appreciate you all so much.  
Extreme trigger warnings for a suicide attempt and blood  
Also a warning Catra and Adora talk and it gets heavy but it's necessary.  
Cliffhanger warning as well because it's like crack

Adora’s world broke when she heard Catra say that, she knew that they were enemies and that they had tried to kill each other multiple times. She knew that Glimmer wanted to have Catra executed, that Catra would have preferred being executed quickly instead of living the rest of her life in a cell, Adora would have still tried to get Glimmer to spare her life. Because even after everything that happened, the heartbreak and the fighting, Adora couldn’t imagine a world without Catra in it. “W-what did you just say,” she needed to know that Catra wasn’t telling the truth, that she was lying, that it was a scheme, she needed to know that she didn’t just say she wanted to die. 

“I said that I came here to die Adora,” Catra said evenly. As desperately as she looked, Adora couldn’t see Catra’s veins changing color that she was in pain, it would be worth seeing Catra in pain if it meant she didn’t want to die. But her veins didn’t change color, there wasn’t even a wince or a grimace, Catra was telling the truth. “I don’t really have a plan how, I thought I’d offer you and Glimmer the chance to decide. I figured I owed owe you that much at least after everything.” Catra didn’t sound sad or guilty, she only sounded resolute. She had been plagued by guilt on Beast Island and time in New Moon made her realize how sorry she was, but that wouldn’t help or make things right. 

The Best Friend Squad and Shadow Weaver were all silent as Catra watched them. Bow looked confused, Adora looked heartbroken, though Catra didn’t know why, she could lie to herself at least, but Glimmer, with Glimmer the anger seemed to leave her. Shadow Weaver looked angry enough for all of them though. “This is a trick,” she declared furiously she didn’t know how Catra found a way around her spell but she would find out how. Catra was a stupid selfish creature, she wouldn’t come here all the way to Brightmoon to die to make up for anything she’s done. 

“I thought that spell you’re so proud of made it so I couldn’t lie,” Catra said rolling her eyes. “I guess you’ll have to come to grips that either I’m sincere, which I thought you’d be happy of my impending death, or I’m apparently able to beat your magic without even trying.” She knew that she shouldn’t be enjoying Shadow Weaver’s anger so much, but after everything the woman had done to her, she couldn’t help but feel satisfied knowing that Shadow Weaver didn’t have any power over her anymore. 

“Shadow Weavers right,” Glimmer said meekly, she didn’t believe that anymore than Shadow Weaver did, but she couldn’t fathom Catra surrendering, much less coming to Brightmoon to face justice. It had to be a trick. She turned away from Catra, it hurt to “There are ways around a spell, we just have to disect what she said, she might not be afraid to die, but it could still be a trick for the Horde.” She hated how fake she sounded she sounded, but it was hard when she didn’t believe herself. She refused to be sympathetic to Catra of all people, not when she’s still breathing and her mother wasn’t. 

Queen Glimmer was about to say something else, but a grunt from Catra and a gasp from Bow cut her off. “Catra,” Adora shouted terrified. Glimmer turned around slowly, her eyes widening with horror as she saw a spray of crimson covering the shimmering magical barrier. Focusing she saw Catra’s claws dug deeply into the flesh of her arm that wasn’t covered by the manacles. Blood was pouring down her arm quickly, Catra didn’t seem much worse for the wear after removing her claws from her wrist, maybe a bit hurt, but too calm for just someone who slit her own wrists. The interrogators only watched as Catra’s blood dripped down the shimmering barrier while Catra stared back at them with her dead eyes. 

Catra moved towards Glimmer and the rest but stumbled as she did, “damn,” she winced again sounding even calmer than she was before, “I didn’t expect it to work so quickly.” She hadn’t eaten anything real in the past week or slept which probably helped her wound do its work quicker. “You wanted proof of my resolve, here it is,” Catra said weakly raising her arms to give them a better view of the obvious wound. “Now Adora, your majesty,” she said with fluttering eyes that fought to stay open, “you might want your revenge you’re going to have to be quick. I’ll try and hold on as long as I can, but I don’t think it’s up to me.” 

Even now her vision was starting to get dark and her body was growing cold, it reminded her of when Hordak suffocated her with his machine. She shook her head didn’t want to think of him, he was another person who she had been so afraid of once upon a time, how things change once you have nothing to lose. Part of her wanted to stare Shadow Weaver down as she slipped away, one last defiant look to show she had no power over her anymore, but didn’t. Catra had stopped caring about what Shadow Weaver thought. She just wanted to forget about the sorceress who helped make her a monster, Catra didn’t blame her for everything, but she made it so much easier to sink down to her level. 

Part of her wanted to stare at Adora, beautiful and kind, even now she looked horrified, ‘this will be the last time I hurt her,’ Catra silently promised herself. Catra regretted everything, she wanted to tell Adora how sorry she was for the things she did, for their fallout, to take blame for everything, to scream that she was sorry for hurting her so much, that she lov-, but she didn’t. Catra knew she didn’t deserve Adora to be the last thing she saw after everything she did, monsters didn't deserve to be comforted when they died. So instead Catra forced herself to stare at Glimmer and wondered if the princess, no the queen was going to take her revenge or if she was going to keep her hands clean and let Catra pass finishing herself off. 

As her body grew cold, Catra thought of all the people who loved her but had hurt all the same, Scorpia who always stood by her despite the abuse, she deserved so much better than Catra, Catra hoped she knew that. Entrapta who was chaos incarnate but had considered her a friend and saved her life, Catra hadn’t had the decency to stab her in the front. Adora, beautiful Adora who was dumb enough to of loved her longer than anyone should have, who cared about her with that big dumb heart of hers, a heart Catra trampled on so many times. She thought about New Moon and about her, Catra hoped more than anything that she knew that this wasn’t her fault and didn't blame herself, that she knew her help did more than anyone could ask for, and above all Catra hoped she knew how grateful she was to be loved unconditionally. It was just that she was too late, you can’t save a monster no matter how broken she is. 

The darkness started to overwhelm everything, ‘I guess the queen wants to keep her hands clean after all,’ Catra thought to herself. She didn’t blame Glimmer, you can’t get the blood off your hands no matter how much you try, Catra would do anything to get them clean again, she couldn't’ fault Glimmer. 

Catra was ready to accept her death, but that didn’t mean Adora was. ‘For the Honor of Greyskull,’ tore through the darkness that beckoned Catra to oblivion. The cold tore from Catra as if being chased aways and her eyes opened full of surprise. She was in Adora’s arms, or She-Ra’s arms, with her sword pointed at her heart, it glowed with the golden energy she was surrounded in the first time Catra saw her become She-Ra. 

‘Does she want to finish me off herself,’ Catra wondered dimly. She couldn’t help but stare at She-Ra and her beautiful blue eyes, full of worry not fury, if she could she would have laughed, lightheaded Catra had a less mean sense of humor. Adora turned away for a second to say something at the others, Catra only caught something about a doctor or a healer before yelling something angrily. Her eyes closed again to weak to stay awake. 

“Stay with me Catra,” Adora said her voice dripping with desperation as she felt for Catra’s pulse, it was weak but there. She gave Catra’s cheek a light slap and her eyes fluttered opened. Catra on her end just noticed how much bigger Adora’s head was than normal and she was wearing a tiara that made her look like a dumb princess. “Keep looking at me,” Adora said desperately but smiling when she saw Catra’s eyes open. 

That didn’t sound to bad, she was pretty and nice to look at, but she couldn’t, “can’t sleepy,” Catra mumbled. She felt warm, but loopy and tired, like she ran a mile and lost a lot of blood. She could feel a nagging at the back of her head, but it was too far away to listen to. 

Adora looked panicked, like that time she accidentally knocked over a weapon stand when they were 8. Catra didn’t know why she looked scared, she never got in trouble with anyone, Shadow Weaver wouldn’t let anyone else yell at her favorite. She wasn’t like Catra who got blamed for everything, even things she didn’t do. 

Adora kept shaking Catra to keep her from falling asleep but saw it was a losing battle before she remembered who she was talking to. “Catra you need your rest, go to sleep,” she commanded her… she commanded Catra. 

“That’s not fair Adora,” Catra complained but she was back in her head enough to speak and her natural rebellious instinct made it so she wasn’t in danger of falling asleep. 

“Not fair,” Adora sneered in an attempt to imitate Catra, a poor job if Catra had to say, “I’ll play fair when you stop being an idiot, what were you thinking.” 

“I was thinking that killing myself was the smartest thing I’ve ever done,” Catra said deadpanned, she so tired. 

“No,” Adora shouted, “you don’t get to kill yourself,” she shouted at her, she needed Catra to face justice, she needed to save her, she couldn’t just let kill herself. 

“If you want to do it you can,” Catra said, “I won’t stop you.” 

“That’s not what I mean, dammit Catra what were you thinking,” Adora screamed, it was just too much. She was angry at Catra, furious but she wouldn’t let her die. 

“The same thing that you, Glimmer, and Shadow Weaver were thinking,” Catra said voice devoid of emotion, “that I deserved to die for what I did. I killed her mother Adora and I tried to destroy Etheria out of spite.” 

“I don’t think you deserve to die,” Adora whispered but Catra could always hear her when they were this close. 

“I’m the one under the truth spell Adora, notice how I’m not changing color or screaming in pain when I say it,” Catra said rolling her eyes. 

Adora placed Catra on the ground gently and returned to normal Adora instead of She-Ra, “just because you believe it’s true that doesn’t mean it is.” They could both be the most stubborn people on Etheria, one of the reasons they got along so well together when they were on the same side. “I’ll march out there and get Glimmer to cast the same spell on me if you want me to prove it.” 

Which lead to Catra noticing that they were the only two people in the room, “huh, didn’t even realize they left.” 

“I told Shadow Weaver to leave when she said I should have let you bleed out. Glimmer… I had Glimmer go fetch a doctor," she didn't want to let Catra know Glimmer ran out the room as soon as Adora gave her the excuse, Adora was sure she threw up. "I managed to heal your arm, but you’ve still lost a lot of blood. I sent Bow to make sure Shadow Weaver didn't stop her. You’re still DX- like me right,” she asked. 

“No Adora I changed blood ty-,” Catra started to say before she shrieked in pain. Her body writhed in pain, Adora holding her down until it stopped, “seriously, I can’t even be sarcastic, I swear Shadow Weaver made this spell just for me,” she managed to mumble, panting through tears of pain. 

“You’ll be okay Catra,” Adora said crying too. 

“Adora I haven’t been okay in a long time,” Catra said simply wishing Adora’s tears didn’t hurt as much as Shadow Weaver’s spell. 

“You just need to stop talking, if you don’t say anything the spell won’t hurt you,” Adora said desperately. 

“It doesn’t matter Adora, I’m not going to be alive much longer, a little pain while I’m still alive doesn’t bother me,” Catra said. “It’s the only way.” 

But Adora didn’t say anything just curled up quietly, this was so big, too big, a million Princess Proms wouldn’t be this big. “Here,” Catra said sitting up a bit dizzy but turning her back against the magical barrier, “lean against me. 

After a moment Adora turned away and leaned against Catra, it felt weird to expose her back to Catra, but even though Catra was capable of attacking her in her weakened state, Adora knew that she wouldn’t. She trusted Catra to not stab her in the back despite everything that happened. They sat that way for the first time they were calm instead of at each other’s throats, it felt strange, but at the same time right. 

“Did you ever think that we’d be here in Brightmoon growing up,” Catra broke the silence. 

“Maybe after we conquered it,” Adora answered. Things had been so different back then, they were going to burn Brightmoon to the ground in the name of the Horde. They had wanted to be in charge of the Horde one day, it seemed silly now, probably seemed silly then, but they wanted it all the same. They swore as long as they had each other’s back no one could hurt them. 

“I never thought this would be one of their cells,” Catra continued, “I imagined more water and less light. Less pillows too.” 

“This was just an extra room before Shadow Weaver arrived,” Adora said remembering waking up with her looming over, “she was the first prisoner Brightmoon ever had.” 

“Huh,” Catra said surprised, “I guess this is the second time I moved into her own cell.” 

“What,” Adora asked, “why were you in Shadow Weaver’s cell?” Catra had been the second in command of the Horde after Shadow Weaver why would she be locked in a cell. 

“I made a mistake and let Shadow Weaver use me,” Catra said with a sigh, “she got in my head, she acted helpless and weak. Even after everything that happened I wanted her to love me, like I thought she loved you.” 

“She never loved me Catra,” Adora said sadly, she realized that in Mystacor, but it still hurt to admit now after all she had done. 

“I know, that now” Catra sigh once again hating herself for being used so easily, “but she never even pretended to care about me, not even in her sick twisted way she might delude herself into believing she loved you. She hated me though, I always used to wonder why, but looking back now I hate me too so can I really blame her.” 

“Catra,” Adora scolded not really sure why she believed it would work, but Adora was out of practice just scolding Catra and not swinging a huge sword at her when she got on her nerves. 

“What I’m easy to hate,” Catra said blatantly. 

‘You’re easy to love too,’ Adora thought but didn't say, she couldn't. Even if they weren’t exactly enemies right now and she wanted to keep Catra alive, she couldn’t. It hurt to admit that to herself, hurt so much that tears started to fall. “Why Catra,” Adora choked on her tears, “why do you want to die,” she asked again. 

“Because I deserve it Adora,” Catra whispered, completely sure of herself, “and if I’m still alive I can only hurt people. After I opened the portal, I realized that I’m a monster Adora,” Catra said stoically as she’s been since they reunited. There was nothing she wanted to do more than cut herself again for making Adora cry, but that would only make her cry more., “I don’t trust myself as long as I’m breathing, I made a promise to myself on Beast Island, that I would never hurt you again. I mean to keep that promise. I can keep it if I know my fate, but if I stay alive, I’ll find a way to hurt you, to stab you in the back and betray you and hurt everyone, because that’s what monsters do.” 

“Beast Island,” Adora whispered terrified, Beast Island was what they threatened cadets with if they broke the rules or disobeyed orders. Monsters out of their worst nightmares lived there, plants that ate flesh and choked the life you, poisoned water that melted your insides, Catra was there and had survived. 

“Yeah, it was pretty bad at the beginning,” Catra admitted, “but I went there for a reason. I went there to punish myself, I knew it was going to be the end of me, but I was scared. I didn’t want to die even though I knew the world would be better off without me. But I thought maybe it was enough of a punishment to live there for a few days until a creature gobbled me up.” 

Adora’s hands wrapped tighter around the grip of the Sword of Protection, what did she even say to that? She wanted to say the world wouldn’t be, but then Catra had tried to destroy the world, Adora’s life would be worse without Catra, she knew that, but would the world? Adora wouldn’t accept Catra killing herself, but the Etheria would have been better without Force Captain Catra of the Horde, Adora could accept that, but that wasn’t Catra, not anymore. 

“What changed,” Adora asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. Then she remembered Catra was being forced to talk due to a spell, “you don’t have to answer. I was just thinking out loud.” 

“You broke a dozen Horde rules the day before you were promoted to steal a skiff after which you broke more rules to go find a magical sword you saw when you got a concussion,” Catra said dryly. “You went into the Crimson Waste with no plan or necessary equipment because you couldn’t wait to find answers. You’re dying to find out Adora so just ask, I might not be around much longer so you should ask what you can now otherwise you might explode from never knowing.” 

Catra’s tone was light as if she was talking about the weather or something, but it turned Adora’s stomach every time she heard it. She promised herself that she would keep Catra alive if she had to walk into heaven or hell and take her soul back. “I want you to tell me what happened because you want to, not because a spell’s forcing you to,” Adora said firmly. 

“I agreed to the spell Adora,” Catra said tired, she was so tired, “ask away.” 

“What happened to you Catra,” Adora asked not able to keep the question inside anymore. “You’re not you anymore, you’re hurt and suicidal, I hate seeing you like this so…,” she couldn’t say it. 

But Catra could, “so broken?” 

“Your not broken Catra,” Adora argued despite all evidence to the contrary. 

“Yeah Adora,” Catra said, “I am. I’m a sad broken monster. I have been for a long time I think. I can’t make things better, I don’t trust myself to try.” 

“What was it that made you feel this way Catra,” Adora needed to know what it was that broke her this badly. “Was it magic, or first ones tech that showed you your worst memories, a monster that could read your mind?” 

“Well there were monsters, that part of the stories were true, but they only tried to eat me. It was meeting my mother that put things into perspective,” Catra assured her. 

She said it so casually that Adora almost didn’t catch it, to busy wondering how to help Catra. After everything Catra had dropped on her lap, Adora would have bet her sword that Catra couldn’t surprise her anymore. If she had she wouldn’t have to be She-Ra anymore, “what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sure you all hate me right now, after last weeks cliffhanger but like I said above it's like crack and it seemed like a good place to end on.  
I hope you all enjoy the chapter, I will try to get the next chapter out sooner than later, this is the part that started the story along with this chapter.


	6. A Much Needed Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * just a note, I meant to publish this on Wednesday, I'm sorry I must have hit save instead of publish, but oh well least it's out now  
Trigger warnings, lots of talk of suicide and self-harm, not to mention child abuse.  
Just so you know I don't have a lot of knowledge about medicine or other stuff like that, I only have a background in psychology so I might be off on a lot of stuff, but hey they're in a magical world and neither Adora or Catra are human so I just gotta shrug

“Yeah Adora, I met my mother on Beast Island,” Catra said, it was old news since it was months ago, but she supposed to Adora it would be surprising like it was for her when she first found out. Adora probably wasn’t going to slash the woman run to the monster infested jungle to deal with her own madness thought. Probably weren’t any monster infested jungles around Brightmoon anyway. “It was a surprise for me too.” 

Adora never really considered the possibility that Catra, that any of the cadets that she grew up with, had a family. Of course, it was only after she left the Horde that Adora realized what family was and how it was important. Back in the Horde she had grown up with Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio and they were something akin to friends, but the only ones she could consider family were Shadow Weaver and Catra. Shadow Weaver raised them but was cruel and manipulative, Adora knew she was their guardian but never thought of her as their mother. And Catra… Catra was family but she never felt like a sister or an aunt, but even is they said they were best friends, Catra was always more than that. Catra was just Catra, the most important person in Adora’s life, back in the Frightzone it hadn’t been anything more than that. 

“There was so much more to Beast Island than what the stories say, I mean there were monsters, big ones with teeth bigger than you when you put on your stupid tiara. But there was a whole city beneath the surface, a city of my people,” Catra said getting so wrapped up in telling someone what she found on Beast Island she forgot about killing herself for a moment, she forgot about the spells she was under, she forgot she was a war prisoner who confessed to being guilty. “They call it New Moon, apparently the Magicats, that’s what my people call themselves, I’m not too fond of the name, but it’s not really up to me. Where was I, oh right New Moon, apparently the Magicats lived in a city called Half-Moon before the Horde attacked. That’s where they lost me,” Catra said as her mood fell again, but she recovered, she was tired though, so tired. 

“The Horde burnt their city to the ground a little after I was born, but the people survived and escaped to Beast Island where they knew the Horde wouldn’t be able to find them. It was hard because of all the monsters and the lack of resources, but they managed to make an underground city out of their hard work. I was lucky enough to be picked up by one of their hunting parties. They recognized me as one of their own and brought me back to their city where I met my mother.” 

“That’s amazing Catra,” Adora said cautiously, Catra sounded genuinely happy for the first time since they reunited on that cliff. Adora wanted to be happy for her, but she also knew that there was a reason Catra had come to the mainland instead of being with her mother. 

“Yeah, it really is,” Catra sighed wistfully. “I never even thought I had a mother, much less one that wanted me. Shadow Weaver always told me that she found me in the abandoned in the waste heap with the rats and took me in because of pity. She always used to tell me she’d send me back there if I missed behaved before she started threatening to kill me. I don’t think she ever got I was more scared of being sent away than I was of dying.” 

Adora didn’t say anything, how could she when she left Catra behind. She didn’t regret joining the Rebellion and turning away from the Horde, but she never forgave herself for not taking Catra with her. She doesn’t think there was anything she could say to get Catra to leave, but it doesn’t change that it’s her biggest regret. 

“My mother’s the reason why I came here actually, why I realized I had to die,” Catra said shifting the tone of an otherwise pleasant story. 

“Catra you need to stop doing that,” Adora said frustrated wondering if Catra was doing it on purpose now. 

“Doing what,” Catra didn’t know what Adora was talking about, but then she had. 

“Stop saying thing like that as if they don’t matter Catra,” Adora snarled. “stop giving up.” 

“I haven’t given up Adora,” Catra said turning to face her, “I’ve just thought this out and looked inside of myself and realized that this is the only way. I tried to destroy the planet once, what if I get the chance again and there isn’t an immortal angel queen to sacrifice herself to fix my mistake Adora? No, this way, I’ve sinned a lot and I’m the only one who should have to pay for them.” 

“Catra, you’ve done bad things, I’m not going to pretend you haven’t,” Adora knew that too much had happened for that, “but this isn’t the right way to make up for things. D-did your mom tell you that you had to do this,” she didn’t want to bring it up, but this day was so stressful and after what Catra said… it wasn’t that much of a leap. 

“No Adora,” Catra shouted despite her weakness from lack of blood, “my mother isn’t making me do anything, she’d go crazy if she thought this was how I came here to make amends. She’s kind and caring, and sh-, she loves me,” Catra said tears starting to flow from her eyes, “she actually loves me.” 

Noticing Catra’s ears started to lie flat and some of her hair began poofing up to make her look bigger, it looked adorable given how unsteady she looked, but she knew it also meant Catra was dangerous. “Alright Catra,” Adora said holding her hands up in supplication, “I’m just worried that you’re being taken advantage of, but if you say she cares than I believe you.” 

Thankfully Catra calmed down and went back to her huddled position behind her quietly. Adora felt guilty, but more than that she needed Catra to stay awake until she got looked at by the doctor, despite how long it was taking for them to get to the ‘prison.’ She took a gamble and moved over to sit down next to Catra, “I’m sorry if that came off harsher than I wanted, I’m worried about you though. You’ve been off since we saw each other again, I didn’t exactly help with that attacking you.” 

“I can’t blame you after all I’ve done,” Catra said opening up a little. “Look I know I’m a mess, I’m a broken monster whose done horrible things that’s why I’m here, but I promise, C’yra isn’t using or manipulating me I swear. This whole turning myself in to face justice might be because of her, but she didn’t tell me to.” 

“C’yra,” Adora let the foreign name pass through her lips. It wasn’t name she had heard in the Fright Zone or anywhere else on Etheria, but the way Catra couldn’t stop herself from smiling when she said her name told Adora she was someone special. “It’s a pretty name.” 

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Catra said as she unwittingly let herself be lured into the conversation. “It’s much better than Catra, Shadow Weaver really wracked her brain trying to come up with that one.” 

“It’s not so bad, I like you name,” Adora said without thinking. Despite everything that happened, it was so easy to fall back into old habits with Catra, it would have been easy to pretend they were back in the Fright Zone sitting on her bunk instead of what substituted for a prison in Bright Moon. 

“Yeah well the magicats laughed at me when they heard it,” Catra pouted, “of course they stopped laughing after they realized I hadn’t seen a real cat or a magicat and felt bad. I cared but I knew I deserved worse and had said worse to other people so I couldn’t complain. I also wouldn’t be telling you this if it wasn’t for this damn spell,” Catra admitted. 

“Do you want to still be called Catra,” Adora asked carefully, it would be weird but she would do it if Catra wanted. “Did your mother have a different name for you?” 

“No, apparently magicats don’t name their children until they crawl for the first time, something about bad luck,” Catra said. “Maybe that’s why everything’s been such shit in my life if Shadow Weaver named me when she found me.” When she saw Adora’s face doing that thing where she is upset, “I was joking, I know that I’m to blame for my own misfortune. Apparently I can still make jokes without my blood turning into lightning, that’s good to know.” 

Adora didn’t laugh through, as good as it felt to be able to sit with Catra like this she didn’t like her tying a noose around her neck. “Would you tell me about your mother,” Adora asked, “you know if you wanted to. She sounds great and you look happy when you’re talking about her, I just wanted to know more about who caused you to have such a change of heart.” 

For a moment Catra was quiet, just sitting there and thinking about how to talk about her mom to Adora of all people. “She’s tall and pretty I guess,” Catra said awkwardly, she had only met C’yra a few months ago, but in that short amount of time, her mother that hadn’t seen her in years showed her more love than anyone other than Adora had in her entire life. It hurt to talk about her though, Catra knew that C’yra wouldn’t want her to commit suicide over what she’d done, but that was her own fault. If her mother had just been like Shadow Weaver and stamped out ever mote of kindness maybe Catra wouldn’t be this way. But in teaching her how to be a person it only made Catra realize what a monster she was. Still, Catra wished she could do this without hurting her mom but this was the only way to make sure things ended with her. 

“But like in a nice way,” Catra stumbled trying to get out of her head, “I mean you’re pretty, but she’s pretty but somehow still looks like me but older. I don’t really know, she’s nice, probably one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. But she also was tough, she didn’t put up with my shit like you or Scorpia did,” Catra trailed off. “I-is Scorpia…, okay and Entrapta,” it felt like forever since she saw either of them. She really missed them and the guilt came back. ‘After everything you’ve done to them, do you really think they could even stomach looking at you,’ a voice in her head that sounded like a mix between her voice and Shadow Weaver’s whispered in her head. Her hands shook as she remembered shocking Entrapta when her back was turned because she didn’t want to destroy the world, the hurt on Scorpia’s face when she turned the stun baton on her for trying to talk her out of it, the way they both looked hurt and abandoned when she left them behind to go to Beast Island. 

Adora noticed and took one of Catra’s hands, on the one with the arm she cut, “Scorpia and Entrapta are fine, they haven’t said much about what happened, but they’re alright. They’ll probably be in Brightmoon today if you want to see them.” 

“I-I want to see them,” Catra said quietly, “but I can’t, I don’t think they’ll want to see me anyway.” 

“I can ask,” Adora said, “neither one said anything about you since they defected from the Horde, but only because they refuse to say anything.” 

“I asked them not to say anything,” Catra said casually as remembered yet another one of her sins. “You looked so mad at me the last time we saw each other, I wasn’t sure if you I wasn’t sure if you were going to be stupid and track me down. I didn’t want you to die because of me so I asked them to not tell.” The last words were quiet as she whispered them. Catra’s stubborn nature had been keeping her awake, but there was only so much that spite, self-loath and pointless defiance could carry you. 

“Stay with me Catra,” Adora said giving Catra a gentle shake, then a much harder one when it didn’t have any effect. “Stay awake, the healer will be here soon, so just stay awake.” 

“I’m too tired, it doesn't matter Adora, I’m dead and living on borrowed time. If you or Glimmer don’t want to be the ones to do the job I’ll do it, I’ve already done most of the work,” Catra said brattily. She knew she shouldn’t but she was just so tired and Adora was just prolonging the inevitable. Why did she need a healer when she was going to die, that wasn’t going to change. 

“You’re not going to die Catra so stop it,” Adora said furiously. 

She was really angry at her, Catra noted, but that was nothing new. Well it was new a few months ago before her temper tantrum almost destroyed the world, killed the Queen of Brightmoon, and made her realize she was too dangerous to live. Adora was a lot of things, she was strong and good in a fight even if she was slow, she was really pretty to the point where it got annoying, but she was too nice, she believed that monsters like her and Shadow Weaver could be saved and it was going to get her killed one day. Well it wouldn’t be her that did it, Catra was done breaking promises. Her claws of her damaged arm extended and moved to her undamaged wrist. 

Blood loss had weakened Catra’s ability to be subtle though and the clanking manacles didn’t help as Adora caught Catra’s hand before she could open a vein in another wrist, “what the fuck are you doing Catra,” Adora shouted. 

“I told you that I came here to die Adora,” Catra shouted back, “nothing is going to stop me. If you don’t want to see me do it leave. I don’t blame you but I-I can’t…,” She couldn’t take this anymore, she knew she could never be saved, never be redeemed, never make up for what she did, but being around Adora who kept saying she wanted to, it was too much. She couldn’t have hope, because it would make her wriggle out of her punishment and hurt people again and she couldn’t be that Catra anymore, she wouldn’t. 

“No Catra,” Adora said easily moving Catra’s claws away from each other. Adora was always the stronger one without being She-Ra and Catra was starved and lost a lot of blood, it was like play fighting with a kitten. “You promised you would never hurt me again and losing you would hurt me more than your claws ever could, so stop hurting yourself.” 

“But I’ll hurt you,” Catra wept. She didn’t think she had ever cried this much before, not when Shadow Weaver told her that she would kill her if she messed up Adora’s path at six, not all the times she had been tortured as a kid for being disrespectful, not all the nights she went without food for asking questions or messing up, none of the times Shadow Weaver hurt her when Adora broke one of her rules because she knew that it would get through to her quicker if Catra suffered instead of her, not even when Adora left the Horde. Maybe when C’yra had helped her work through some of her demons and said ‘I love you,’ for the first time, but even then Catra wasn’t sure. This was Adora after all, after everything they went through, after all the times they fought, something inside of Catra knew even if Adora hated her she would never let anything on Etheria hurt her. Catra used to hate that Adora made her feel safe, because safe meant vulnerable, but the last few months she learned that vulnerable wasn’t such a bad thing. 

“Catra,” Adora said gently taking Catra’s still extended claw in her hand and dragged it along her arm. It would just be a flesh wound, probably wouldn’t even leave a scar, but it did draw blood before Catra’s claws shrank back into her hands. 

“Adora-,” Catra let out in fright but Adora just bulldozed over her, she had given Catra a chance to speak and would give her all the time she needed but right now it was Adora’s turn to talk. 

“It hurts doesn’t it,” Adora interrupted, “seeing someone you care about hurt, it hurts worse than hurting yourself, but it hurts worse when you watch them hurt themselves right,” Catra didn’t say anything but nodded through pained tears. “If I were to take the Sword of Protection and slit my wrist like you did how would you feel,” Adora took the sword and moved it to her wrist for emphasis. 

“Don’t” Catra mewed pathetically, her eyes wide with fear. 

“I’m not going to,” Adora said placing the sword on her back. It made her feel dirty and manipulative, she didn’t like using Catra’s feelings against her, but she had grown up as Shadow Weaver’s ward. She wasn’t as good at reading or using people like Shadow Weaver or Catra, but she knew enough to get what she wanted when she needed and despite what anyone else thought, Adora knew Catra, the real Catra beneath the pain and anger, better than anyone. “But now you know what’s going to happen to me, what I’ll feel if you do that again,” she said pointing to Catra’s wrists. 

Catra’s mind was malfunctioning, she had come back to the mainland, she didn’t think Adora would care enough to hesitate in taking her head off much less trying to save her. She was still an idiot for wasting her time trying to save someone who was beyond redemption, but it still hurt Catra’s heart, in a good way, knowing she was trying. “What do you want me to do Adora, I don’t know what to do,” she sobbed. 

“I don't know Catra,” Adora said honestly, “but I know you’re never going to find out if you kill yourself. You have a lot to make up for Catra, and I know you’re scared of that, but making up for something is better than dying to try and atone for something you regret. I was, I am angry at you, but I still love you Catra, I still want you to be better, I want both of us to be better. You’re not the only one that has scars from the Frightzone and Shadow Weaver,” Adora said noticing Catra’s face so broken with grief and regret. “Hey,” she said making Catra look at her, “you’re also not the only one who made mistakes.” 

“I’m the bad guy here Adora,” Catra said tiredly. 

“Maybe,” Adora said she wouldn’t sugar coat things, but seeing how Catra was tearing herself apart, both figuratively and literally, she couldn’t add more to Catra’s weight. She saw how broken Catra was, but she wasn’t shattered, not yet and there was little Adora wouldn’t do to help her become whole again. “But I still left, maybe I could have said something instead you might have come with me, maybe if I took you with me that night when I left instead of leaving you behind, if I wasn’t so blind to Shadow Weaver’s real self, if I took your warnings about her seriously instead of thinking you were just disrespectful.” 

“We’re really messed up,” Catra said she was so tired she leaned against Adora’s shoulder, “aren’t we?” 

“Yeah,” Adora agreed, she had been feeling the weight of the Rebellion, of being She-Ra, on her shoulders for a long time, “we are.” After a moment of silence Adora broke it, “but we’re messes together, and nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.” 

It was the ghost of a memory of a promise she had of a long forgotten, a promise both of them had broken. Adora couldn’t even remember when she made it, but the words felt like they were etched into her soul. She remembered feeling warm, she remembered a crying Catra, but trying to force herself ot remember was like trying to catch the rain in an open hand. 

“You promise,”Catra said weakly and Adora could swear she could see Catra, not as the tired broken girl she was now, not the angry Force Captain she had been not so long ago, but as the tiny child they both used to be, before the world crushed the innocence out of them. 

“I promise,” Adora said and she knew that they were sealed together again, their choices had torn them apart, but now it brought them back together. She pulled Catra in for a one armed hug and just let them be Adora and Catra again instead of prisoner and captor or force captain and She-Ra, just Catra and Adora. It wouldn’t last but it was enough for now. 

  
  
  


The healers came in a few minutes later, a doctor with goat horns and two of his assistants, Catra had passed out, her stubbornness had reached its limits a while ago. the lead doctor introduced himself quickly as Doctor Rhaf before examining Catra for a few minutes and assured Adora that Catra would be fine as long as they put some more blood in her. 

“The only issue is that I’m not entirely sure what she is or what blood type,” Doctor Rhaf said scratching his goat horns. “Most humans can donate and accept the blood of certain species but others are incompatible. Queen Angella was a universal donor due to her own exceptional constitution and vitality but with her loss we’re trying to conserve the supply she left us with.” The implication wasn’t lost on Adora, but she held her tongue, as much as she wanted to get angry at the doctor she couldn’t blame him. She couldn’t force him to use Queen Angella’s blood to save a former member of the Horde, especially the one who took their queen from them. 

“Catra’s a magicat,” Adora said through gritted teeth, even if she understood that didn’t mean she liked it. 

“A Magicat,” the doctor said surprised, “it’s been so long since I’ve seen one I wasn’t sure if my eyes were playing tricks on me. I thought they were extinct after Half-Moon was destroyed,” Rhaf said adjusting his glasses and getting a closer look at Catra. 

“They might if you don’t hurry up and do something,” Adora growled. She was used to the people of Brightmoon, or anyone outside the Horde really, talking for days around an issue when action was needed. She liked plans, but not every moment of the day needed careful observation or deliberation, sometimes tasks just needed to be done. He also didn’t need to know that there were apparently far more magicats that survived their homeland’s destruction, Catra could tell the people she wanted to know when she woke up. 

“I’m sorry Princess She-Ra,” Doctor Rhaf said obviously ruffled, “but we don't know much about magicat physiology, they were rather isolationist before the war are the attack by the Horde and the few who ventured out to trade and for political reasons rarely went out alone. I was barely out of med school when Half-Moon was destroyed by the Horde, but I recall they had close knit social groups between family and friends so they never required a donor who wasn’t a magicat. I’m not sure how her body would react if we introduced blood from another species into her system, it could actually kill her.” 

“She’s DV Negative and so am I, you can give her my blood,” Adora insisted. 

“That’s lucky,” Doctor Rhaf said skeptically, “DV- is one of the rarest blood types on Etheria, only one in a hundred thousand have it,” he didn't say that it tended to be within royal families which is why it’s so rare. “Regardless I cannot agree to this request Princess, while the blood type is helpful information, you aren’t even human or from Etheria,” he said carefully to not upset the She-Ra. He knew she was normally kind to the point of naivety like young Bow, but he also heard stories about her prowess on the battlefield and how she could crush steel tanks with her bare hands. Still, according to the reports she wasn’t even Etherian, much less human, Rhaf didn’t know what she was but it was dangerous. “We don’t know how your blood would react in her system. She’s stable now but introducing incompatible blood from a different species could kill her.” He wished that she would understand his position, Horde or not, slayer of their beloved queen or not, he did want to save the young woman, it was his duty as a doctor and healer to do his best for anyone wounded and he took that duty seriously. 

“I’ve given her blood before and she’s given her blood to me more times than I can count,” Adora said terse trying to keep an even temper, “nothing bad has happened before so use it.” 

“How did you find out about this,” Doctor Rhaf asked incredulously. 

“You tend to lose a lot of blood when you grow up in the Horde,” Adora said darkly, “life is harsh in the Horde and our instructors used to say that, ‘pain is the best teacher,’ and you learned quickly if you didn’t want to die. Or had someone looking out for you, Kyle would have been dead a thousand times over if not for Rogelio. It used to be a joke among their squad that even Kyle laughed at because it was true, but looking back it made Adora sick. They had just been kids, yet they were trained harder than the soldiers the alliance recruited it was wrong, so wrong looking back. She remembered the time when they were 10 and one of their drills their instructors were using live grenades, Catra tackled her out of the way of the blast but her back was ripped up by shrapnel and she almost died. There were a lot of times Catra helped her when they were just kids, looking back Adora was sure she wouldn’t have made it this far if Catra hadn’t been there. 

Adora’s stomach knotted harder as she wondered if the reason Shadow Weaver kept Catra around was because she was Adora’s blood type. She remembered the first time she needed a transfusion and Shadow Weaver had almost been ready to gut Catra and feed Adora her blood if it meant Adora would get better. Adora blinked startled at the memory, she could remember it so clearly now, but it hadn’t crossed her mind in years, they had only been 8 at the times and Catra had looked so tiny and scared when what passed for a doctor in the Horde jabbed the needles into her arms, the needles almost scared her as much as the red lightning holding her in place. It was horrible and it made Adora dry heave, why hadn’t she remembered that moment, until now? 

“They never ran tests or bothered to find out if your blood would kill her,” Doctor Rhaf asked horrified. He knew the Horde was evil and the Frightzone was a backwards place but this was beyond sickening. 

“They didn't care, if we died from being given blood that should keep us alive than we weren’t worth saving,” Adora said wondering how she could have believed even at such a young age the Horde was anything but evil. “Please, just help her,” Adora didn’t mind asking for things, but she knew Catra hated it so she hated asking for things for Catra. And she had to ask for a lot of things that Catra needed since they both knew as Shadow Weaver’s favorite Adora wasn’t going to get beaten for asking for something hard to get and was more likely to get it. 

“Of course Princess Adora,” Doctor Rhaf said realizing that nothing about this was going to be a normal medical procedure, not with the She-Ra and a magicat former Horde officer. It was lucky they brought all the equipment they needed to with them to the extra room with them, young Mr. Bow wasn’t very clear when he told them a Horde prisoner was very hurt, he was taking care of Queen Glimmer who looked like she was going to empty her stomach. “If you would lay down on the table,” he said gesturing to the beds they brought in. 

“Let me just,” Adora said easily lifting Catra like she weighed nothing at all and gently placed her sleeping… her Catra onto the wheeled bed. “You can strap her down around her waist but don’t tie her arms down.” Seeing the confusion on the healing staff’s face Adora explained, “if she wakes up with her arms tied to the bed she’ll panic and try to run. She will escape, I can promise you and rip apart whoever tries to get close to her so just listen to me please.” 

Doctor Rhaf decided it wasn’t worth fighting her on this just nodded to his assistants and they made sure Catra wouldn’t fall off the bed and attached them to the machine. “This will be over rather quickly, if you would like to sleep to pass the time it will be fine.” 

“Alright,” Adora said, it was still early, but it had been an emotionally exhausting morning and Adora hadn’t gotten much sleep last night for obvious reasons. “But wake me up if anything happens,” she said turning away from the doctor so she could look at Catra, she looked so small asleep, it was a wonder she could cause trouble at all, “I don’t want to leave her alone for one second.” With that Adora drifted off to sleep, making sure to get one last look at Catra before she did. Even after everything that happened, Catra the last thing she saw before sleeping still put Adora at ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, it felt like it was missing a few things, but the way the conversation went it just went there instead of where I originally intended. There's not a lot of talk about C'yra, it sort of got away from me, I don't really know who she is if she's from the original She-Ra show, but C'yra happens to be the common thread with a lot of Catra on Beast Island so I decided to use that too.  
Part of me wanted to get into her whole story with Catra but I decided to leave that for later since it's important, but to adora the most important thing for her was making sure Catra stopped hurting herself. Adora cares about where Catra came from of course, just like she cares about where she came from but they're also orphans on the cusp of adulthood who were raised as child soldier by a fanatical regime and abusive maternal figure so I thought it would be a bit different. Don't worry when Catra does bring up C'yra for real I'll be sure to break you hearts.  
I wanted to make it clear with Adora stabbing herself with Catra's claws and how Catra's first instinct to atone is to hurt herself that neither Adora or Catra have healthy coping mechanisms, they're both messed up in the head and it's not there fault, but it doesn't change that they're what they are and they both need to learn and unlearn a lot of stuff. Also for anyone wondering, Catra's depression isn't going to be magically gone, she won't hurt herself because of her promise to Adora but that doesn't mean she doesn't think she's garbage and deserves to die, she just won't try and kill herself anymore  
I'm gonna stop here, because now I just feel like I'm rambling I hope you liked it and leave a review if you did


	7. What to do with Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, this is a longish chapter that was hard to write Catra and Adora are easier to write than the Alliance and it sort of gone on for a while. writing lots of characters in a scene is very complicated and hard to juggle, I hope you all enjoy it

“Let it all out Glimmer,” Bow said rubbing his best friend’s back as she threw up in the toilet. It was gross, but he couldn’t blame her, he had come pretty close to getting sick after watching Catra slit wrist like that. It was disturbing, most of his arrows, had tricks to incapacitate the people he fought or to save his friends, he wasn’t used to seeing blood, not like that. 

Still, the worst part was Catra’s eyes, they were just so cold and empty, her eyes were always full of anger, or pain, or hateful joy whenever she was on the battlefield, but now they were just empty. The little wince when she slit her wrist was the only sign that she was still alive when it happened, it just left him cold. 

Bow managed to keep himself together enough to send a healer to see Catra and get Glimmer to a private bathroom. Shadow Weaver had disappeared to her chambers, the interrogation didn’t go as she planned but she still pretended she had the moral high ground. Bow could tell she was rolling her eyes when he dragged Glimmer away, but she didn’t say anything, she didn’t want to see her pupil display weakness and retreated back to her sanctum. It wouldn’t be good for any of the staff to see the queen this way, it still hurt to think of Glimmer, his friend since they were kids, that way. Angella had been the closest thing Bow had to a mom growing up. He had never wanted one, his dads were amazing and more than enough to raise a family as large as their own. George and Lance might not have always understood him, but Bow never doubted he was loved. But it didn’t change the warmth he had when Angella hugged him or the way he blushed when she complimented him, how his heart broke when she had a fight with Glimmer. It hurt to know that this wonderful person who he had known since he was a kid, that he thought would be around forever, was gone. It hurt so much that sometimes he wanted to lash out but he couldn’t, Glimmer and Adora were the ones who smashed or blasted things when they got upset, he couldn’t if it meant he wasn’t there for them. 

“T-that really happened,” Glimmer asked him softly as she finished with the bowl, “I wasn’t imagining things, she really tried to,” she couldn’t finish without the bile rising in the back of her throat. 

“Yeah Glimmer, Catra tried to kill herself right in front of us,” Bow said as he shivered at the memory very fresh in his head. “If Adora wasn’t so quick, she might be dead.” It was weird, he had been fighting on the Rebellion’s side for a long time, but Bow had never seen a dead body, never seen someone killed before his eyes. They tended to stay away from the larger battles with the Horde, going on key strategic missions where they could just chase the Horde soldiers off instead of killing someone. Thinking back, Bow wondered if Queen Angella had chosen this way to protect her daughter and preserve her innocence. 

“I wouldn’t have minded,” Glimmer said darkly, “the world would be a better place if she was dead.” But her heart wasn’t in it, she had been so ready to put down a deranged wild animal for killing her mother. But when she saw Catra so emaciated and ready to die it stopped it wasn’t right, no matter what Shadow Weaver told her about how treacherous and evil Catra was, but Glimmer was starting to realize that Shadow Weaver wasn’t the best judge on Catra. 

The fact that what happened with the ‘truth’ spell did that of all things made Glimmer feel like she couldn’t trust Shadow Weaver at all. Shadow Weaver is powerful and knowledgeable, and acknowledges her worth and power, but Glimmer doesn’t want to hurt people, not like the spell hurt Catra. 

It was wrong to do that to her, Glimmer would admit. She knew it was wrong before she cast the spell, she would only admit that to herself. She told herself that Catra had done so much, too much to be forgiven, that she needed to be put down before she could do worse, that she needed to find out why Catra had tried to destroy all of Etheria and only failed because her mother sacrificed herself to save the world. The Catra in her mind was diabolical and evil, snide and rude uncaring who she hurt, the one who killed her mom and was responsible for all the nights Adora cried herself to sleep and did it for fun. But this Catra, this Catra was regretful and broken in her own words, Glimmer couldn’t bring herself to hate her. 

“You don’t mean that,” Bow said dragging Glimmer out of her head. Glimmer loved Bow more than anyone, he was her first friend, her only friend for a long time, but sometimes it was annoying how well he knew her. 

“I don’t but I want to mean it,” Glimmer said. She was confused, this was all so confusing. 

“Glimmer you’re a good person, it’s not a sign of weakness that you don’t want to kill someone. Even someone who hurt you,” Bow told her softly but with conviction. 

“But how can I let her go after she got my mom killed? How can my mom rest if she isn’t avenged,” Glimmer asked. 

“Glimmer, I know you’re hurting and probably don’t want to hear this, but I don’t think your mom was the avenging type, I know she wouldn’t want you to avenge her,” Bow was sure. “Look I’m not saying what we’re going to do about Catra is going to be easy, but we don’t have to worry about it right now. She’s in prison and Adora’s with her so I don’t think she’ll let Catra hurt herself anymore, I sent Doctor Rhaf over to make sure she isn’t going to die, we can set up guards in her cell to make sure that she can’t hurt herself anymore,” Bow started to say. 

“And then what Bow,” Glimmer interrupted. “Do we just keep her locked up in the extra room for the rest of her life? Do we let her let her wander around the castle in chains until my grandchildren are on the throne? This is too much.” Glimmer had never expected to be queen, only Bow knew that out of all her friends. Her mother was immortal, she was supposed to be the eternal queen of Brightmoon, she would sit on the throne ruling wisely and nobly long after Glimmer died of old age and replaced her with another dozen daughters down the line. Glimmer had become a commander in the alliance simply so she would be something more than just a redundant princess to sit beside her mother for a small part of Angella’s eternity. She was content to do what she wanted while it lasted even if it drove her mother crazy, especially if it drove her mother crazy. 

Glimmer knew a bit about diplomacy and tactics, but never bothered to learn about statecraft and the economics of running a kingdom. She was drowning and heartbroken in a sea of insecurity and ignorance and didn’t know which way was up. But she could fight, she was still a princess of the Princess Alliance, even if she was the queen of Brightmoon. Yesterday when she blasted Catra was the first time she had used her magic to hit anything but a practice dummy since she took the throne. 

Dealing with Catra was supposed to be the easy choice, she was the villain in her story and needed to be slayed like a dragon attacking the princess, Glimmer just wanted to be her own knight. How could Glimmer kill her or even order her killed when she looked even more broken than herself. 

“The Alliance meeting is in a little while, lets check in on Adora and then we can go to the meeting and maybe get some opinions from the others. Catra is a war criminal who committed multiple crimes in almost every kingdom we’ve been to, so you don’t have to pass judgement on her alone,” Bow said hopefully. He didn’t know what to do about Catra either, part of him hoped she would be like Adora and join the Alliance, he could always use more friends and Adora would really like it if she did, but he also didn’t know Catra that well. Given that she just tried to kill herself in front of him less than thirty minutes ago he wasn’t sure if her joining any army was a good idea. 

Glimmer knew what Bow was doing, but she was still grateful for it, as the Queen of Brightmoon she wielding absolute power in how her kingdom ran. But, as a member of the Princess Alliance, even as the head after inheriting her mother’s position, she was just another person sitting at the table. “That’s a good idea,” Glimmer agreed, at the very least it wouldn’t be just her decision alone that condemned Catra, “for now at least.” 

It was a quiet walk back, neither of them wanted to think very hard on what would be through the door. Eventually they got to the extra room they used for a cell and saw Catra and Adora on beds with tubes hanging off both of them with Doctor Rhaf and his assistants monitoring them both. “What’s going on here Doctor,” Glimmer asked trying to sound regal and authoritative. 

“Oh your highness,” Doctor Rhaf said giving Glimmer a respectful bow and then gave one to Bow, “Sir Bow, a pleasure as always, though I do wish we could meet under better circumstances,” he said, giving a sad look to Adora and Catra’s unconscious bodies. 

“Don’t we all,” Bow said stepping in so Glimmer didn’t have to. He liked the doctor even if he was a bit stuffy and insisting on using proper titles when addressing anyone, “but if you could please answer the Queen,” still felt weird, “we are in a bit of a hurry since the meeting is soon, we just came to pick up Adora and check on Catr- the prisoner,” he corrected himself to not appear too familiar. 

“Of course, of course,” he said, assuring them there were no ruffled feathers, or feathers in his case, “ it is my professional opinion that young Miss Catra is in no danger of passing to the other side,” Doctor Rhaf assured them. “Her wound was deep, but Princess Adora’s miraculous healing magic closed those up leaving them with little danger of opening. As you can see Princess Adora volunteered to use her own blood to replace the large amount Miss Catra lost during the… the incident,” was all he could manage to get out. Bow didn’t blame him, the Doctor and his husband had children older than both the unconcious girls on the tables, the idea of Catra commiting suicide would probalby give him nightmares for weeks even if he wasn’t there for it. “Apparently giving each other blood when they are injured was something of a normal occurrence for them growing up in the Horde,” he snarled as much as a satyr could. 

“But she will make it,” Glimmer asked cautiously as she moved over to Catra’s sleeping body. She observed the other girl seeing Catra seemingly at peace for the first time since Glimmer met her. She seemed kind of small and cute if she was being honest, disturbing as it was. 

“Oh yes your Highness, as I said due to Princess Adora’s magic sealing the wound instantly after the initial... cut Miss Catra’s life was no longer in danger. Princess Adora’s magic truly is spectacular, while there will likely be a scar for the rest of her life, the wound was cleaned as well as healed leaving no risk of infection. She will still need at least a week of bed rest to fully recover, probably good food too,” he said prodding Catra’s shriveled stomach and examining the bags around her eyes, “neither things she’s seen in quite a while I wager.” 

Glimmer didn't seem satisfied with his answer, but she didn’t seem disappointed either, confusion seemed to be her natural state these days. “Why isn’t she tied down or manacled,” Glimmer asked as severely as she could. “Hurt or not Doctor, she is a war criminal and our prisoner, and a clever one at that.” Glimmer wanted to be harsh, well no she didn’t want to be harsh but she needed to be, weak and pathetic as she was, Catra was still an incredibly dangerous woman who had captured her, Bow, and Adora on several occasions, and was responsible for her mother’s death. Glimmer didn’t want anyone forgetting that she was a prisoner not a guest, especially herself. 

“Of course your Highness,” Doctor Rhaf said bowing deeply again, “the manacles interfered with our ability to check the damaged area and prevented us from finding a vein to put the needle in,” he said gesturing to Catra’s arm. “As for why she isn’t strapped to the bed, Princess Adora ordered us to leave her unrestrained, save the strap around her midsection to keep her on the bed. She said that if we tied her down that Miss Catra would panic when she woke up and escape, I’m doubtful she would have the energy to manage such an endeavor in her state, but thought it would be best to humor the Princess, orders are orders after all.” 

Doctor Rhaf was a good, kind man, but he wasn’t a fighter, he hadn’t been on a battlefield except to act as a medic in years. He didn’t realize the ways a desperate person could break their limits when panicked. 

Glimmer’s first instinct was to tell Rhaf and his assistants to strap her down to the bed so tight she’d never get away, but bit her tongue. The memory of Catra writhing in pain from the spell she had cast, her opening up her veins with barely any emotion, the cold uncaring way she came to Brightmoon to die, bile started to rise up in the back of Glimmer’s throat. “Adora had the right idea, but after the procedure is over wheel her back into the forcefield so she doesn’t escape. You can leave Adora in the room with her, but on the outside of the forcefield until I get there. Adora has a big heart but I’m not sure if she’s in the right this time and I don’t want to come back with a knife in her throat because of it.” ‘Your not sure you’re right either,’ a sing songy voice in the back of her head mocked her. 

“Yeah, she's not going to be in any shape to meet the others like this,” Bow said giving Adora a poke and she barely responded. 

“As you wish your Highness,” Doctor Rhaf nodded in agreement. 

With that Bow and Glimmer left not getting any more answers than what they came in with. “It doesn’t feel right going to a meeting without Adora, especially since a big part of it is going to be about Catra,” Bow said with a sigh. 

“Maybe it’s better this way,” Glimmer said not believing herself, “I mean she’s been training a lot since the portal this is probably the first good sleep she’s gotten since Shadow Weaver snuck into her room, maybe even before that unless it was from dropping dead from exhaustion. Besides,” Glimmer said as the guilt crept in, “shes a bit too close to Catra to talk about this right now.” 

“Glimmer,” Bow hissed. 

“I don’t mean forever,” Glimmer insisted, “it’s just that Adora can’t remain impartial when it comes to Catra. Remember the first meeting of the new Princess Alliance when my aunt was there, every time something went wrong with the Horde it was ‘Catra’,” Glimmer said trying to mimic Adora’s annoyed and super focused tone that was special for when she talked about Catra on the other side of the board. “Or when we were having that planning session to assault that fort that dominated the pass, maybe all the plans weren’t very good but every time Adora would be, ‘Catra this and Catra that. You’re not taking Catra into account. Etc.’ and turned out that Catra wasn’t even the one in charge of the fort.” 

“I guess you have a point,” Bow admitted, Catra was always on Adora’s mind no matter where she was, now that that she had surrendered Glimmer was sure it had gotten even worse. “And she does need to sleep.” 

“As soon as the meetings over we go back and wake up Adora and tell her what has been talked about, but we don’t make any decisions until she is there and able to leverage her opinion,” Glimmer promised, she needed to keep that promise and the best way to make sure of that was to tell Bow. Even if the servants in the castle showed her extra respect because she was queen now Bow wouldn’t hesitate to remind her, he would make her feel like she was still Glimmer, not just Queen Glimmer. 

“Okay, but what are we going to do about Catra,” Bow asked the golden question, what was their stance going to be. It would be good for them to have a united front on the Catra issue, even if they didn’t have much time. 

“I mean I don't know, locking her up for the rest of her life isn’t exactly a great plan, even if Adora was willing to go for it,” Glimmer said exasperated. It also wasn’t really possible, Glimmer knew that the alliance could build something that would keep Catra imprisoned for the rest of her life, but it was a cruel thing to do to anyone. Not to mention they would have to keep Catra alive, which actually seemed like a challenge given how she seemed to welcome death. 

“I mean if locking her up won’t work and you’ve stepped down from having her executed, for now at least,” Bow conceded. “Maybe we can rehabilitate her, Scorpia and Entrapta really took to Plumeria, maybe sending her there would do her some good.” 

“Catra isn't like Scorpia or Entrapta,” Glimmer hissed, “she’s evil, she lead the Horde as Hordak’s second, she tried to blow up the planet,” Glimmer left out Angella this time. Catra was responsible for her death, but it was becoming redundant and painful to keep bringing her up. For all of her sins, Catra didn’t intend for Angella to sacrifice herself to save Etheria, she wouldn’t give Catra anymore credit for her mother’s heroics. “Scorpia was brainwashed by the Horde her entire life, she thought her family gave the Horde the Black Garnet and welcomed them into their lands. Entrapta was tricked into thinking we abandoned her, by Catra I might add.” 

“If that’s the case than why is it okay for Scorpia who was brainwashed just like Catra to come to Brightmoon asking for sanctuary. Why was it okay for Entrapta to be tricked and come back to the Alliance after making death machines that we had to fight and chose to fight on the other side despite knowing she was fighting us. I know things with Catra are more personal and she’s done a lot of bad stuff, but doesn’t she deserve the same chance to be better,” Bow argued with his bleeding heart dripping. 

“Catra’s a member of the Horde,” Glimmer shot back realizing how weak of an argument it was. “But then I guess Entrapta joined the Horde,” Glimmer whispered. 

“Of her own free will, maybe she was tricked, but even she admitted it wasn’t very hard and… it wasn’t like Catra was wrong,” Bow said wincing like it physically hurt to admit that, “we did leave her behind. We didn’t mean to and we thought she was dead, but it doesn’t change that Entrapta thought we abandoned her.” 

"Scorpia was in the Horde too, so was Adora and…,” Glimmer said realizing just how many Horde officers they had at this point, “And so was Shadow Weaver,” she suppressed a shiver, she remembered Shadow Weaver’s lair, the red lightning constantly burning her and blocking off her powers, the way her hands reached over to Adora and how her friend writhed in agony when the sorceress tried to violate her mind. She could remember it so clearly now, why had it slipped her mind, it was humiliating, traumatizing, why was it so hard to remember what caused her to be curse, she had nightmares about being locked in that chamber for weeks, yet it was like until a moment ago she barely remembered it. It scared her how hard it was to remember being imprisoned like that.  
  
  


Everyone was there, it wasn’t surprising, but the large chamber felt smaller than it ever had before. They had gotten Entrapta’s chair from storage now that she had returned to the Alliance, they had to commission one special for Scorpia due to her large size. Usually only one of them came while the other was left behind since even though they swore they weren’t with the Horde anymore they couldn’t fully be trusted to be alone in Plumeria without Perfuma being able to keep an eye on them. Since Entrapta defected she didn’t have the same standing as the other princesses and Scorpia’s people gave their land to the Horde which also left her little power so they weren’t allowed to vote on important matters, 

Even Glimmer’s aunt Castaspella was there, despite their recent friction she wanted to be there for her niece whenever it would allow even if Glimmer didn’t want to see her most of the time. Glimmer couldn’t kick her out of the Castle if she was the official representative of Mystacor. 

Glimmer didn’t even look at her aunt as she took Angel-, the Queen’s chair, “I apologize for our lateness, we had an emergency which we will discuss later.” She tried to speak with her mother’s air of grace and nobility, but it was hard when these people weren’t just other rulers but her friends. “Mermista and Seahawk are aware, but it can wait until later,” the Catra matter really shouldn’t but there was a procedure to these things. 

So the meeting progressed like normal despite Mermista constantly glancing over toward Glimmer and Bow as if asking them when they were going to bring up the elephant in the room. They talked about each kingdom's economy and trade between them first, it was easier to talk about it here where they all could make sure that the deals were fair. Then they talked about the Horde and any other military necessities like additional troops or resources. The Horde had been rather quiet lately, it seemed like they were still recovering from whatever the Portal did to the Frightzone so only a few small skirmishes on the borders of the kingdoms but no land or significant loss of lives to report. 

If it had been like this back when she was still just a princess and a commander, Glimmer would have suggested they press the offensive while the Horde was weak and strike a crippling blow. But the Alliance wasn’t prepared for such things, it was created to defend, not attack, and Glimmer found it much harder to order her forces to attack the Frightzone when she had to stay behind in Brightmoon. As queen it was far too dangerous for her to be on the battlefield, especially when she was too young to have a daughter be Brightmoon’s next queen and the other women she knew were other princesses who couldn’t be her heir. Currently Spinnerella and Netossa would take over in case something happened to her, but it wasn’t a job either of them wanted, they wanted their homelands back not Brightmoon, but it was a necessity that none of them could budge on. 

Once that was wrapped up the other Princesses would normally leave or at least drop the formal procedural personas and go back to being friends instead of allies. This time was different, everyone was waiting for the explanation for their lateness that Glimmer promised. “This isn’t easy for me to say, but it can’t be put off any longer. Last night, on a routine patrol and good will mission to Salinas, Adora and Bow stumbled across a Horde soldier and captured her. The Horde Soldier was Catra.” 

That got everyone talking amongst themselves, while Glimmer just observed trying to Scorpia and Entrapta looked shocked, but not upset at the news, Perfuma seemed thoughtful given she had the least experience with Catra and her plots, Frosta looked upset and angry ready to take off Catra’s head, Mermista of course was aware and seemed to just be taking in what everyone else was saying, Casta just watched her niece as if trying to read Glimmer’s face to get an insight into what she was thinking. 

“I-is she okay,” Scorpia asked in a soft voice that seemed odd for a woman of her size. Scorpia didn’t talk much when she visited Brightmoon, she always seemed shy and out of place. If Glimmer was being honest, she knew she didn’t do a good job playing host and welcoming the former Horde princess into the Alliance. After losing her mother Glimmer was ready to burn everything that ever had anything to do with the Horde and the only reason she didn’t throw Scorpia into a cell was because she brought Entrapta with her. 

Glimmer bit back a cruel retort, Scorpia was a member of the Princess Alliance even if she didn’t like it and would be treated with respect. Besides, Glimmer couldn’t fault her for caring even after everything that happened, if it was Bow in Catra’s place, Glimmer knew she would be asking the same thing. “Catra is… alive,” Glimmer meant to soften the blow but it came out wrong given how Scorpia’s jaw dropped and Entrapta’s eyes went wide with horror. “I mean she wasn’t in the best state physically or mentally when she arrived,” Glimmer quickly continued, “one of our healers looked at her she shouldn’t be in danger.” 

“Why was she in danger in the first place,” Scorpia demanded. 

Glimmer suppresses lashing out again, it was getting harder, Catra was at best a criminal who deserved to face judgement and she was far from deserving the benefit of the doubt. Still, Scorpia and Entrapta had barely said anything since they turned their colors to the Alliance, The fact that she was clearly worried about her was surprising. Glimmer had assumed that they had a falling out after the portal, Entrapta had mentioned that Catra had knocked her out and tried to send her to Beast Island, whatever that was. Adora mentioned it was like a nightmare that they used to talk about in the Horde to keep you in line, but was too scared to say anything more about it. Glimmer was surprised the two of them weren’t the ones calling for Catra’s hide for sending Entrapta there. 

“Catra is not in her right mind now,” Glimmer said as delicately as possible. “I will admit that I roughed her up a bit when I first saw her, but it was barely anything compared to what she’s been doing to herself. I might have let myself go in the interrogation ” 

“It’s true” Mermista interjected, “I was with Bow and Adora when we ran into Catra, she didn't look like she had been taking care of herself at all, she normally has this sort of evil queen bitch energy that’s kind of hot, but she was all skin and bone, covered in dirt and probably hasn’t showered in a long time. Not to mention her eyes were really empty like she didn’t care about anything. It was creepy.” 

“Look, I’m not sure how to go with her as a prisoner,” Glimmer admitted, “she’s done a lot to Brightmoon, to my family, she’s done a lot to most of us. But she also surrendered without a fight, agreed to an interrogation without a fuss, she even consented to magic being used in the interrogation to keep her truthful. She’s been a model prisoner since she was brought in, even though I wish she wasn’t,” Glimmer grumbled. It wasn’t like she wanted to beat up an unarmed prisoner, but Catra wasn’t exactly a normal and the last time they captured her she didn’t stop running her mouth. With all the anger she felt towards the Horde Force Captain over the past few months she had been waiting for Catra to say something, to give her a reason to get her fury out. Yet it didn’t happen leaving Glimmer even more confused and with no outlet for her anger. 

“C-can we see her,” Entrapta asked quietly, “I want to talk to Catra if I can.” 

“Are you sure Entrapta,” Bow asked softly, “you said she shocked you, knocked you out, and sent you to Beast Island. Are you sure you really want to see her?” Perfuma seemed just as curious, she had been acting as a therapist for Entrapta in Scorpia while they were her guests in Plumeria, they had made progress but the two of them had been holding something back in their sessions. When she was brought up, the two of them barely talked about Catra, Perfuma had assumed it was because they had a falling out when they left the Frightzone as refugees, but there was clearly more to it. 

“Well yeah she did do all those things,” Entrapta admitted, “but she also apologized for it after and she seemed really sincere about it.” 

“Wait,” Glimmer interrupted, “when did she apologize to you.” 

“Oh right after she broke me out of the transport that her friends from the Crimson Wastes put me in and set me free. Scorpia was there,” Entrapta said with more emotion as she pointed to the bigger former Horde Princess with her hair. She was bad at asking for things if it didn’t pertain to her research, it made her feel awkward, which is why she tended to just do and take things since it was easier. She could answer questions though without fuss all day though which was good at least. 

“Entrapta,” Scorpia hissed and tried to whisper by was too nervous and lost after hearing Catra was back, “we weren’t supposed to tell people that.” 

“I don’t think we need to keep it a secret anymore if Catra’s not on Beast Island,” Entrapta whispered/shouted back. They continued back and forth about a promise that Catra made them before they arrived in Brightmoon’s lands. 

“Enough,” Glimmer shouted, she didn’t have the time or the patients to listen to both of them, if she did they would talk to each other for days and not say anything. “What promise,” she tried to sound reasonable, but it was still early and she was already emotionally exhausted. 

Scorpia looked nervous so Entrapta answered, “it was after Scorpia and Catra rescued me from the transport Catra ordered her people to put me on.” 

“I thought Scorpia rescued you from the transport,” Glimmer interrupted. 

“Yes because afterwards Catra made me promise not to tell anyone of her involvement,” Entrapta said starting to get annoyed. She loved answering questions and talking with her friends, but she didn’t understand the point of interrupting after asking a question with another question when the new question would be explained when you finished answering the first question. “Anyway, like I was saying after Scorpia and Catra rescued me from the transport, it was a bit awkward, and I’m saying that. Scorpia was happy to see me,” she said, nodding to the Scorpian woman. 

“I didn’t even know where we were going,” Scorpia admitted. “After the whole portal thing happened I just know most of the Frightzone was destroyed and then Catra told me to come with her. I assumed it was some sort of important second in command of the Horde mission so I just went along with it because I was just sort of broken after she stunned Entrapta and threatened me, I had followed Catra for so long I moved on auto pilot. I don’t even know if I bothered to ask her where we were going, if I did she didn't say anything. We went with our squad, Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio, it was a quiet trip, awkward silences make me uncomfortable so I usually chat about anything so it stops being so oppressive but I wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk given what happened. We traveled for hours like that then, the craziest thing happened, Catra told us that she was leaving the Horde and was going to hijack one of our own transports, and if we wanted to stay she would leave us the emergency response beacon. Obviously Catra betraying the Horde wasn’t exactly what we thought would happen, Lonnie called her crazy, but we all agreed to leave,” Scorpia paused, it was only a few months ago, but it felt like a lifetime ago. 

“Then Scorpia and Catra took over the transport that I was on and freed me, it was strange, I didn’t think it was real,” Entrapta admitted. “I don’t like being tied up or stuffed into boxes, I really don’t like it when both happen at once so I was panicking. When Catra fell from the ceiling, I thought was going crazier. Either that or she came to finish me off,” Entrapta said thoughtfully. 

“Entrapta,” Scorpia gasped. 

“She wasn’t opposed to sending me to my death so it wasn’t unlikely. She was willing to destroy the planet and she was upset with me, the data suggested that she would be willing to kill me as well,” Entrapta said defensively, “but then I suppose I was willing to destroy Etheria when I decided to go with the Horde too.” 

“It’s hardly the same thing Entrapta,” Glimmer said trying to rationalize her friend’s willingness to help with the Horde. The fact that Entrapta admitted that she helped advance the Horde’s weapons technology and helped Hordak himself with the creation of his portal made Glimmer sick to her stomach. She knew Entrapta was a kind, curious soul, but personally aiding Hordak just to have access to his advanced technology was a lot to swallow. “You wanted to stop when you found out what the portal would do, Catra pulled that lever even though she knew what would happen.” 

“Yeah but if even if Adora didn’t make me run one last safety check, I was still willing to let an galactic conqueror learn about Etheria with an army that made dozens of planets kneel to him just to help someone who hurt a lot of people. I’m not saying that Catra’s a good person, I thought she was my friend but that’s really confusing after everything that happened. I just know she felt guilty enough to tell Scorpia to bring me to Brightmoon and went to Beast Island because she couldn’t stand herself,” Entrapta shivered. 

It actually happened was a lot worse than what she said. She had been panicking for a few hours, her will had been stretched to its limits and she had been terrified when the transport stopped and then Catra jumped down from the ceiling like a feral nightmare creature. When she walked towards her with her claws extended, Entrapta knew she was going to die, at least until Catra tore her bindings off and freed her. Entrapta didn’t get her breathe again until Catra looked at her with her big sad yellow and blue eye and saying how sorry she was. It was so incredibly disturbing but she didn’t think she was going to die. ‘Maybe we are friends,’ Entrapta thought as Scorpia tore through the corridor a moment later, when the larger woman saw her her eyes went wide with joy and embraced her like a train with more mass, but still nice. They didn’t have much time, as they cleared out the transport of Horde soldiers and then Catra gave them both a tearful apology, asked them both not to say anything about where she was going, and left with the transport. She looked so guilty and defeated, she didn’t even say goodbye as she left them alone to die on the island that haunted her since childhood. 

Entrapta had been certain that it had been the last time she saw her maybe friend, Beast Island was supposed to be a death sentence, even worse than the Crimson Wastes. The whole thing left her confused with a pit in her stomach and a hole in her heart. “I would like to see her please,” Entrapta asked as serious as she could. She knew the other princesses didn’t always treat her like she was a good decade older than them most of them, but she also didn’t care. She needed to talk to Catra and she was going to, Brightmoon might not have had the nice air ducts to expedite travel like the Frightzone, but there were always ways around if you were clever enough. 

“I would too,” Scorpia said backing her up which Entrapta was glad. Scorpia wasn’t as bright as Hordak, but she was always willing to listen and never made Entrapta feel like she had to earn the right to speak to her and voice her opinion. She had been Entrapta’s rock the last few months despite her own hurt and Entrapta couldn’t have been more grateful. She had wanted to go to Beast Island to find Catra the moment the Alliance had taken her in, but she stayed for Entrapta who was out of place after everything that happened. 

“I understand that,” Glimmer said frustrated, this new information wasn’t making making a decision any easier, “and that’s fine, but the reason why I brought this up is because I… I have been trying to figure out what to do with her and still be a fair ruler. , part of me just wants to send her to the headman and be done with it for her crimes against Brightmoon and my… my family,” she choked back tears and took a deep breath. She could be strong, she would be strong, she was queen now, “However when I tried to interrogate her, certain things have been brought to light about… a lot of things, both her and me. I realized that I’m too close to this to be a fair judge and since she has committed crimes against all of us, I thought that the council should decide her fate instead of just me.” It was because despite being a queen she didn’t want to act as though she was the final authority when it came to the Alliance decisions, she told herself, it wasn’t because she was too scared to make the wrong choice alone. 

While typical Alliance meetings were chaotic this was something else. Frosta, whose kingdom had been the most attacked by the former Horde Force Commander, immediately demanded Catra’s death. Glimmer winced both when she realized how similar she sounded to the twelve year old and that at such a young age Frosta was willing to condemn someone to death. Perfuma ever the peacemaker and the one whose kingdom Catra never attacked directly, argued on her behalf and sough the path of rehabilitation as opposed to incarceration or death. Spinnerella and Netossa had both lost their kingdoms long before Catra became a force captain, but they had been on the front lines when she lead the Horde in a direct attack against Brightmoon and voted to lock her up and get what information they could from her. Scorpia and Entrapta both insisted that they needed to talk to her before making a decision but definitely seemed to be leaning towards Perfuma’s side. Which lead to Frosta attacking Scorpia telling her that she didn’t even deserve to be there since she was with the Horde too and attacked the Land of Snow with Catra. Scorpia didn’t defend herself since it was true and she was sorry for it, but Perfuma and Entrapta did since they were aware who Scorpia was on the inside and the progress she made since leaving the Horde. Casta just stayed quiet as she watched her beloved niece look more and more lost. 

It devolved into just yelling back and forth with everyone just insulting each other and throwing out childish insults while Glimmer hung her head in frustration and Bow did his best to play peacemaker, until Mermista broke it up.“Hey,” she shouted loud, her voice roaring like a wave, “everyone sit down and shut up.” She was technically a queen like Glimmer, even if she called herself a princess like the others, and she had the voice down pat when she wanted to. The others did what they were told and sheepishly sat down, Frosta let the snowballs she was going to throw and let them fizzle away into the aether. 

“I’m not going to say that Catra’s innocent, in fact she’s kind of a bitch,” Mermista said as she rose up from her chair. “She is,” she cut off Scorpia who was about to defend her Wildcat even though she knew it was true, “she has attacked almost all of our homes personally, she’s spent most of the battles flirting and insulting Adora, and she’s pretty rude just in general, honestly I could have seen us becoming friends if she hadn’t been on the Horde side,” she said and none of them knew if she was joking or not. “But I also think that she had a pretty rough life and I feel bad for her, not saying she should go free but I also don’t think she’s going to be starting any trouble.” 

“We’ve all had hard lives Mermista,” Glimmer growled as she tried to force down her own feelings of pity for Catra, “but no one here tried to destroy the planet.” 

“And no one here’s body is covered in scars,” Mermista shot back. The rest of the council chamber went quiet after that while in the background, Entrapta nervously raised her hand before Scorpia lowered it for her. 

“When you say covered,” Bow asked carefully, he had seen Catra try and kill herself only a few hours ago he wouldn’t be surprised that she had scars, he’d be more surprised if she didn’t. 

“We’re all fighters,” Mermista said, “we’ve been on the battlefield a number of times, but I’ve never seen someone with a body like that. Look, before she got on the Dragons’ Daughter 30, Adora wanted to make sure Catra wasn’t smuggling a weapon or a bomb into the castle so she was going to strip search her to make sure. I didn’t like how aggressive Adora was, or how passive Catra was so I volunteered to do it instead. I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t kind of curious, I mean she’s been a crazy bitch since I met her but, she’s also really hot,” she said and most of the princesses present couldn’t help but agree. “Still, once she stripped down to her skivvies, her body is covered in scars, burns, gashes, the works, I had nightmares about them last night. Again, I’m not saying that we should just let her go,” Mermista ensured them, “there’s no telling what she would do to herself if we did,” she whispered under her breath, “but there might be reasons for the things she’s done.” 

“Mermista’s right,” Perfuma spoke up, “I understand that she’s a bad person, but from what Scorpia and Entrapta have told me, along with this new information,” she side eyed them both. She wasn't upset with them, but it was frustrating since she had been spending the months trying to help them work through their issues, and this was clearly something that was holding them back from making progress. “Maybe she isn’t beyond saving. If we spoke to her we would have a better opinion on what to do with her.” 

“Not to mention that her being a member of the Horde doesn’t really seem to be a problem, seeing as we have everyone but Hordak from the Horde’s high command in the castle right now and a couple others back in Plumeria,” Mermista added. 

“Fine,” Glimmer said giving in, she supposed it was insane to think that this mess would be over in one day. “Bow, go check on Adora and the prisoner, see if she can handle guests. If she can Entrapta you can go in with Scorpia first, Perfuma will be there to make sure nothing said that could hurt the Alliance.” Entrapta and Scorpia might have turned their colors, but that didn’t mean that Glimmer had to trust them with something this important. 

While it didn’t solve the issue, it was at least moving forward and the other princesses seemed to at least agree with the decision she made. No one looked happy, but no one was arguing. For now they were still trapped in a fragile balance with Catra’s life straddling the headsman’s axe but at least her blood wasn’t on Glimmer’s hands, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly happy with how this chapter turned out, but it was a necessary chapter so I hope you all enjoyed it.  
I'm not sure if everyone is in character, I used Mermista at the end since she was the only one to see Catra's scars so I thought she would be one of the most sympathetic even though Perfuma would probably be the most sympathetic overall so I had both of them sort of speak on Catra's behalf.  
Glimmer is obviously going to be antagonistic towards Catra for a while, but she also is a young girl who never had to do the things a queen would have to.  
Entrapta is a bit of a hard character, I have personal issues with her character, I don't like how people portray her as innocent and just quirky when she's on the villains side and actively working against everyone she was friends with a few months ago. That's why entrapta is more depressed since I think she also needs a redemption arc and will be working towards it with Catra as the story progresses. I love Entrapta but I don't think being Autistically coded and sweet is enough to completely absolve you of helping a monster like Hordak. She will be healing though, with Catra and Scorpia, if you haven't realized yet healing together is a big theme of this story, not that I've given a lot of hints since it's only been depressive stuff but you need to shoulder through the bad to get to the healing.  
one last thing, I added Adora and Catra's Horde squad because it doesn't seem fair to me that they get to turn coats because their main characters while Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio are minor antagonists. 
> 
> This chapter is done, hopefully the next one will be out quicker, I will try to get it out before november, I'm participating in Nanowrimo so I will be devoting most of the time I'm not working into that so if I don't finish before november the next chapter is likely to not be out until december.


	8. What Gives Monsters Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extremely short chapter, I wanted to post something before NaNo since it's unlikely I'm going to be posting another chapter until December at the earliest and the new season is going to be heart breaking if the reviews are anything to go by. I hope you guys enjoy it all the same. And well it's halloween so I thought something nightmare based would be neat, and this was definitely not supposed to go up a few days ago for Catra's birthday  
Trigger warnings for violent images, suicidal thoughts, just messed up nightmares.

Catra was dreaming, she knew it because she was a child again and she was happy, really happy not just not miserable. She wasn’t in the Frightzone either, the walls weren’t made of metal and there wasn’t the background noise of gears and steam pumping through pipes that Catra had grown up with. 

She was maybe six years old if she had to guess and dressed like a magicat instead of a kidnapped Horde soldier, a loose shirt that didn’t’ smush her fur into her uncomfortable and pants made with someone with a tail in mind instead of a the tight cadet pants Catra had always needed to cut herself. She was in Half-Moon, she didn’t know how she knew that, she didn’t have any memories of the place, but in her heart, as tears fell down her face, she knew this was her home. 

“Catra,” a soft man’s voice rang out, like the kingdom itself, Catra didn’t have any memories of this man, C’yra had a few pictures in her home in New Moon, but it was the stories she had told Catra that let her recognize him. Her mother had told Catra a lot of stories about her father in the short time they had together, she never skipped the details when it came to T’yr despite the pain showing on her face every time. Cy’ra would always go on and on about how strong he was, how good a fighter he was despite always beating him, how kind he was, how his lips would curl into a smile whenever he saw her, how his blue eyes glowed when he made mischief, the way he could sneak up on a butterfly catch it in his hands without hurting it so he could show her even when they were kids. C’yra really loved T’yr, yet for some reason she seemed to love Catra even more despite her being the reason T’yr was dead, something Catra couldn’t understand no matter how hard she tried. 

“Daddy,” Catra gleefully shouted without her wanting to in a voice that wasn’t hers and ran towards a large magicat with bright brown fur and blue eyes, the blue of Catra’s right eye. Catra wouldn’t have said the word ‘daddy,’ in a million years, she barely learned what a mother was on Beast Island, father was a concept she was still trying to grasp. Still, her heart was pounding in her chest as joy swelled inside of her as she got closer to her fa- to T’yr, she had never been hugged by anyone other than Adora at this age or most of her life until Scorpia took over, this Catra clearly had and loved it otherwise she wouldn’t be running so fast. Part of Catra wondered what it was like to embraced by her father, his arms were thicker than C’yra, if only a little, did that mean it would be like when Scorpia hugged her instead of Adora. Catra did love Scorpia’s hugs, even if she was too full of venom to admit it to her former friend. Adora was good at hugging too even if Catra would never admit it too, but C’yra had been better than both of them, not that Catra had ever worked up the courage to tell her either. So she had to wonder if T’yr was as good at hugging as her mother. 

Of course, things didn’t work out like that as Catra was pushed out of her young body and she was back to her age watching like in that crazy First Ones temple. Turns out even in her dreams Catra wasn’t meant to be loved, so she watched her father pick up the dream Catra and spun her around while she laughed, a real genuine laugh without a hint of mockery. Catra was sure she never sounded like that. It was weird to feel jealous of this dream Catra, she wasn’t real, this wasn’t real, but there she was, her parents daughter instead of Shadow Weaver’s broken pet. Ignorant of what it was like to be whipped and beaten for asking questions, she was a Catra who didn’t know what rats tasted like, she didn’t need to hunt them when she got in trouble and Shadow Weaver refused to let her have even part of a ration bar for punishment. Catra had been jealous of Adora growing up, she had been envious of Glimmer and Bow when Adora left the Horde for the Rebellion, but never in her life had Catra wanted anything more than to be this innocent soft little girl with parents who loved her unconditionally. 

This wasn’t like most of her nightmares, those were full of pain and terror, this soft memory of a life she never got hurt worse though. Even more when C’yra came in and hugged them both asking how her favorite people in the world were, it was worse than Shadow Weaver choking the life out of her or Hordak suffocating her while he berated her. 

The dream shifted from the false memory of a family that never got to be to Adora, they were in Thaymore Adora was She-Ra holding her hand giving her that stupidly cute Adora smile with She-Ra’s stupidly huge and pretty face. Catra had this dream before, hundreds if not thousands of times, her blood went could and she felt sick knowing what was going to happen. She was offering to take her with her to the Rebellion, to run away together where Shadow Weaver could never find them. Catra’s body moved on it’s own, she knew what she was going to do, she fought back with everything she had but her mind was a prisoner in her own body. She could feel her lips curl into a smile to match Adora’s, took her hand gently as her father could catch a butterfly and before Adora could react her hand plunged into her chest. That’s when Catra got back in control, when she was able to feel her claws tear Adora’s skin like paper even after all these times Catra tried to pull away in horror. 

But that of course didn't happen, instead of crying out in pain Dream Adora’s face broke out in a smile that looked too big for her face. She caught Catra’s wrist and clasped down hard so she couldn’t escape and forced her claws deeper inside of her. The wound Catra made leaked the red lightning of Shadow Weaver’s magic as Adora forced her claws into her heart. “Adora stop it please,” Catra begged even though she knew after the thousands of other times this happened there was nothing she could do. 

Dream Adora’s free hand gently brushed through Catra’s mane until it found the back of her head in a perverse parody of gentleness. The next moment, Adora’s lips captured Catra’s, it was rough like Adora was trying to suck the air out of her lungs, their teeth smashed and gnashed cutting open their lips till blood, real blood poured from their lips. Yet Catra still sank deep into the kiss, because it was Adora, and she didn’t care how much pain it caused, just being with Adora was far more pleasurable than the pain. 

Her dreams shifted, quicker and quicker, but all nightmares, sometimes it would be killing Adora or Adora killing her, others it would be Scorpai and Entrapta ripping her apart so she could pay for what she did to them. Sometimes Shadow Weaver or Hordak would be the ones torturing her, but for some reason those ones weren’t so bad now, they still wielded great power but once she realized how pathetic they were in the real world, it was hard to be scared of them. The worst ones though we're when C’yra would be the one torturing her, in one her mother reached out to embrace her, but instead her hands wrapped around Catra’s throat to choke her. Catra knew that it would and could never happen, but when C’yra’s beautiful, warm, and kind face melted into Shadow Weaver’s mask, in dreams it didn’t matter what you knew was real. 

The last nightmare started with her underwater and she was drowning, her lungs were burning as she swam to the surface as fast as she could. She might not want to live anymore, but drowning had been her biggest fear growing up and she’ll be damned if this was how she was going to go out and she used every instinct that she still had left and paddled toward the surface. It felt like hours as she swam to the light that was her only hope of salvation, it barely seemed to get closer as exhaustion seeped into her muscles as she kicked desperately, but it did get closer, just close enough to give her hope before it got ripped away from her just like everything. She saw the light, Adora standing there on top of the water looking heroic and beautiful she stood there looking down at Catra as she swam up unfazed. Just inches away, so close her hand actually felt air,but she was dragged back down. A leather cord had found its way around her throat and she started to sink down beneath the water again. Catra looked back and saw her, the corrupted version of her holding her whip, half her body a black void that showed off her madness on the outside instead of in. 

Catra desperately tried to swim away, not easy to do when you’re a terrible swimmer and already low on air. She clawed at the water in front of her, as if that would help, trying to get Adora’s attention, maybe she’d help. It sort of worked Adora looked at her at least, but when she glared at her, the same glare that she had after the portal incident, the same glare she had when she tackled her. It meant that Adora hated her, and that was too much to bear for Catra and she stopped struggling. She could hear the corrupted version of herself saying something, but Catra didn’t care. With Adora looking at her like that, Catra didn’t care if she ever took a breath again. Her vision got blurry and her mouth and lungs filled with water as the darkness took her. And then she woke up. 

Catra woke up in the same room that they were keeping her in, the forcefield was back up and she was on a bed attached to a machine. She was panting hard, but the slight hum of the machine did calm her down. the Frightzone wasn’t home, that was Adora and New Moon, but for 16 years she had spent with the background noise of machinery and since she left it was hard to sleep, everything was too quiet. 

She tried to bolt out of the bed she was on, but couldn’t, a thick leather strap around her waist, luckily for everyone they didn't’ strap her arms and legs down to the bed, that wouldn’t have turned out well for anyone. If they had she would have broken out and there was a good chance she would hurt or kill someone. That would put a wrench in the whole trying to be better thing. For whatever reason Glimmer hadn’t killed her yet, but if she went into a rampage and hurt one of her citizens Catra doubted that she’d hesitate, no matter what Adora said. Catra wouldn’t mind, despite her own promises to Adora, she wouldn’t hurt herself anymore, but that didn’t mean she changed her mind about deserving death. Still, Catra was done hurting other people, even if it was an accident, she didn’t want to be Catra of the Horde anymore, she just wanted to be a Catra that didn’t hate to look at herself in the mirror. 

With one claw she was able to tear her the bonds wrapped around her waist, that kept her from going into a full blown panic attack. She looked around desperately, there were a few other people in the room but it was only when she saw Adora she actually managed to calm down. That dork was sleeping a few feet away on the other side of the barrier, curled up like a baby, Catra thought smiling. 

“Miss Catra,” a goat man in a white lab coat interrupted her thoughts, “do you know where you are?” It was a slow, kind tone, the type that put her on edge, she was still coming to grips with the idea that some people just have soft voices when they talk and didn’t just get that way when they wanted to use you. 

“B-brightmoon,” Catra managed to get out, her tongue felt fat and heavy in her mouth, she could barely get the words out. “I-is she,” she asked pointing to Adora, but she cursed her weakness, she couldn’t even ask if she was okay. 

“Miss Adora is fine I assure you,” the goat man who Catra could only assume was the med tech or whatever that was in Brightmoon, Doctors she thought Adora called them. “She is just resting, you’ve been asleep for some time, around three hours. She was awake if a bit weak for a few days, given her constitution she should recover faster than most.” 

“She always did,” Catra said with a smile, “thanks for taking care of her, and me to I guess.” 

The Goat Doctor who probably had a name, Catra would assume even if she didn’t know it seemed surprised. Catra had a way with surprising people when she tried to act pleasant, she wasn’t sure if she liked it. “It’s my duty as a doctor,” he nodded, “You should be fine as well, your own magicat constitution seems to rival Princess Adora’s own, quite fascinating. I will give you some privacy now that I’m sure the two of you are out of danger.” 

Without another word the Doctor left but he left smiling, that was something Catra was still getting used to. She crawled off the bed, she wobbled a bit as the weakness set in but she managed to walk to the edge of the barrier closest to Adora and sit down. Even with a wall of light separating them it just felt good to be closer to Adora. She was used to being tired, she could stay awake until Adora woke up. Ever since Adora left the Frightzone she hadn’t gotten a good night's sleep. She didn’t get many before then admittedly, but when they shared a bunk Adora seemed to scare away the monsters and nightmares. 

“You’re a damn fool Adora,” Catra whispered as she lightly banged her head against the forcefield, “I-I’m not worth saving, I’m not worth your time, but damn it,” she said even softer as tears, “thank you for caring, thank you for trying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Catra, someone get this disaster cat child therapy. I know it's short but I hope you guys enjoyed it all the same. No matter what Adora says and how supportive she is, Catra messed up and is messed up, she's going to have to deal with that. She will though, in this fic at least and hopefully in canon.   
Originally it was supposed to be Catra has short nightmares and is woken up so she can talk to Scorpia and Entrapta which was supposed to be the chapter, but it was taking to long since work has been kicking my ass this last week and I wanted to get something out before november  
Please if you liked it leave a comment/review I try to respond to them and they help motivate me far more than you realize.


	9. Who are We?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry this took so long, I only meant to take a month off for nano, but I failed at that and between the new season rocking me and stuff in my personal life it just... went on for a while and now it's feb. I'm not entirely sure if this works, but I tried and didn't want people to wait.  
I hope you still like it.

Adora woke up feeling slightly more refreshed then she had been, she was still tired after giving blood but she felt calmer than she had in a long time. The weakness would pass in a few hours a day or so at the most, she felt good though, for the first time since the portal, maybe even since the battle for Brightmoon, she felt good. She knew that there would be more talks with Catra, but she liked talking with Catra, before she left the Horde it was her favorite thing to do. Still, it felt for the first time since she left the Horde that things were moving forward with Catra. 

Maybe she was a fool for trusting Catra, spell or no spell, but Adora didn’t care. Catra thought that choosing the Rebellion over her was an easy choice, that Adora had just thrown her aside the moment she had gotten new friends and a magic sword. She didn’t realize that it was the hardest choice she ever had to make, that she didn’t choose between her and the Rebellion at Thaymor, but Etheria and the Horde. Catra didn’t know that more than anything in the world Adora wanted Catra to realize that the Horde evil and wasn’t ever going to make her happy, and that she would come to the Alliance and be with her. Adora wanted Catra to be on her side more than she wanted Etheria to be a peace, selfish as it was, she’d fight with the Alliance for the rest of their lives if it meant fighting beside Catra. 

That could wait for later though, no point in bombarding Catra with that, it wasn’t like she had joined the Alliance, she had come to Brightmoon to let Glimmer execute her, not change sides. It would take a bit of convincing to get Glimmer to not send Catra to the headsman, but Adora would do it. Glimmer’s heart might have been broken with Angella’s loss, but it wasn’t turned to stone no matter what Shadow Weaver was doing to her. She had been as horrified of the spell she cast as Adora, if not more, if she could convince Catra not to kill herself, Adora was sure she could convince Glimmer not to kill Catra, if Bow hadn’t already. Adora didn’t think even Hordak could still be evil if Bow gave him those puppy dog eyes. 

She flashed back to Hordak’s sanctum, how he barely looked at her despite needing the Sword of Protection, how he told her cold and uncaring how little he cared about her existence despite him ripping her away from her world. Maybe Bow’s puppy dog eyes wouldn’t work on Hordak. 

“Hey Catra,” Adora said getting off the wheeled bed they had her on, they had removed the needles while she slept, probably didn’t want to risk tearing them out. She felt a bit wobbly, but she had dealt with blood loss before and now the unsteadiness was familiar. 

“Hey Adora,” Catra said turning towards her, she looked scared and unsure, but those words, those words that all too often made her heart skip a beat despite the mockery, were familiar even if they weren’t filled with disdain. “Sleep well,” she asked awkwardly, Adora wondered if Catra was as bad at small talk as she was. 

“Yeah actually,” Adora told her honestly, the gurney they had her on was harder than the cot Glimmer and Bow had gotten her, it had made her feel like she was back in her bunk. She hated the Frightzone and looking back her life was awful in so many twisted and insidious ways, but she couldn’t hate her bunk, it had been the only safe place in the world, it was her sanctuary that she only had to share with Catra. “I didn’t get much sleep last night,” she left the rest without saying. 

“I suppose you wouldn’t have,” Catra said guiltily. 

“It’s not all your fault,” Adora admitted sitting down on the floor next to her…, they weren’t exactly friends again, not just yet. Then again Catra was never just her friend, she was always Catra. “It took a long time until I got comfortable enough to fall asleep anywhere in Brightmoon, I even killed my bed my first night here because it was too soft.” 

“I couldn’t sleep my first night in New Moon,” Catra admitted, “the cot they gave me was too soft too, but it was the quiet that scared me. In the Frightzone, everything made noise, people walking down the hall clanked for miles, I could hear the electricity burning through the wires and bulbs, I could hear the hiss of steam running through pipes and gears turning, but there was nothing like that in New Moon. All the magicats walk and run without making sounds, and in their underground city there wasn’t any animals or gears, just quiet. It took a long time to get used to.” She noticed Adora staring at her with wide eyes, “what?” 

“It’s nothing,” Adora said trying to play it off cooly and doing a terrible job, “It’s just that…, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you admit you were ever scared, not even when we were kids.” 

Catra just chuckled humorlessly, “I’ve always been afraid Adora, of Shadow Weaver, of the other cadets, of Hordak, of you, I just pretended I wasn’t I was too stubborn to admit it, probably even too stubborn to realize it.” 

“You were scared of me,” Adora whispered more than asked. Catra admitting she was scared was something she never would have thought would, could happen, but to have her say she scared her rocked Adora to her core. 

“You didn’t scare me like the others scared me, I never thought you would hurt me, but you were the only thing that I ever loved. That made you scary,” Catra said softly, softer than Adora had ever heard her. “I was always terrified, that you would realize the truth, that you were better than me and I was weighing you down, just like Shadow Weaver always said. And then I’d be left behind. When it happened, it hurt more than I ever thought possible and it just made everything Shadow Weaver said about me right.” 

“Catra-,” Adora started to say, but Catra interrupted her. 

“No Adora, you were right to leave,” Catra said as that encounter at Thaymore went, how such a small amount of time changed everything, “I just wish I was smart enough to leave with you.” 

“You can always change Catra, it’s never too late,” Adora said gentle as she could as she moved to sit beside Catra. “You left the Horde, you admitted that you feel sorry for what you’ve done, you’ve met your mom,” Adora said that last part she tried her best to hide her own jealousy, she was happy for Catra, genuinely happy, but since finding out she came from a whole other world, a whole other plane of existence she wanted to find her family, to get to know them. “You can change.” 

“I’m not sure I can Adora,” Catra said in a dull tone that broke Adora’s heart, “I’m sorry for what I did, I am, but I can only be sure that I won’t mess anything else up because I know I’m going to die, I want to be better in the end, I want to make up for the things I’ve done. If I convince myself that I’m not…, I know me Adora, if I start to believe that I can make things better by living, I just know I’ll ruin things, I’ll…I told you Adora I don’t trust myself.” 

“You promised me Catra,” Adora said firmly. 

“I promised that I wouldn’t hurt myself anymore Adora,” Catra corrected, “I still did a lot of terrible things, things that shouldn’t be forgiven. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Queen burst in here with a headsman.” 

Less than a moment later, Catra couldn't have planned it better Glimmer strode in with Bow beside her. “Adora,” both of them shouted happily, they figured she would be alright, but were glad she had gotten some rest, she looked a lot better. Bow rushed over to her to make sure everything was alright, Glimmer would have followed him in the old days, but a queen is required to maintain dignity, something else she didn’t expect when taking her mother’s throne. 

“Adora,” Glimmer said with a cough to remind Bow and Adora that they had things to discuss, “I’m glad that you’re awake,” and less friendly, but surprisingly not exactly hostile she turned towards Catra, “And I see the prisoner is awake as well. Good, we have things to discuss.” 

“Lay it on me,” Catra said, she was still weak the sleep didn’t do much to change the lack of food in her stomach, it had been like that for days. Catra had refused to eat anything since she reached the mainland, it was part of her penance. 

"For some reason, the other princesses aren’t willing to have a trial before speaking with you personally,” Glimmer said outwardly annoyed. On the inside she was relieved, but Catra didn’t need to know that. “They made a point that four important members of the Alliance were former members of the Horde, Entrapta actually betr- changing sides for a small time before returning,” Glimmer said catching herself. “It would be hypocritical for us to sentence you to death for being a member of the Horde, especially after you willingly submitted to our custody. It doesn’t change the crimes you’ve committed against Brightmoon and the Alliance, but it was a fair enough point to stay your execution. Are you well enough to meet with visitors?” 

“Yeah, I suppose,” Catra said bewildered that Glimmer had agreed to hold off on executing her, however temporarily. The darkest part of her that lurked in the back of her mind laughed and mocked the rebels for being as weak as the Horde propaganda made them out to be, but Catra quieted that voice. She might not understand mercy, but her time in New Moon and with her mother had taught her enough to make Catra realize virtue wasn’t the same as weakness. 

“Very well,” Glimmer said trying to appear as cold and detached as she could, “your first visitors are waiting outside. Adora please send them in after you leave,” she said turning away from Catra but not taking her eyes off of her. She was still sure that shield or not, Catra would stab her in the back the moment she left her back open. 

That made both the former Horde soldiers panic, they had only started to repair their relationship after everything that had happened, they didn’t want to be separated. “But why Glimmer, I need to stay here to… keep an eye on the prisoner,” Adora said fumbling for an excuse. 

Catra rolled her eyes but found her lack of ability to deceive anyone somehow endearing. “As she is my prisoner I can stay here, but only those who are interrogating the prisoner are allowed inside as stated in Etherian law. Because this is the consensus we came to in the meeting, everything has to be above board,” Glimmer stated trying to keep her air of detachment, she didn’t know how her mother was able to appear so powerful and divine while not being seen as unapproachable in her court. 

“But -,” Adora started to say but Catra cut her off. 

“It will be fine Adora,” she said gently, “I said I would agree to whatever it takes to give you closure,” Catra said looking at Glimmer, “and I meant it. You can parade me through the streets so your people can throw stones at me, use whatever magic you want, call anyone to talk to me and slap me in the face for what I’ve done. I really am sorry, I know I can’t make up for what I’ve done, but I’ll do whatever I can, I’ll take whatever punishment you have for me.” 

Adora knew that look in Catra’s eyes, there was fire where their was barely a spark, nothing Adora could say that would dissuade her. Instead she choose to trust her friends, all of them “I’ll be outside if you need me,” she said to both Glimmer and Catra before leaving. 

They were alone for but a moment, but it felt like an eternity. This was the first time they had ever been alone together, when they ‘captured’ Catra before she had Bow by her side the whole way it was strange being alone with someone you hated for so long. If they had the time Glimmer had a million things to say and a million questions to ask, but they didn’t. 

Scorpia, Entrapta, and Perfuma entered a moment later, a dark part of Glimmer liked to see fear in Catra’s eyes as they went wide as the new people entered. Then she felt like throwing up after that, luckily she hadn’t eaten anything, and her stomach was already empty form before. 

“Hey Wil-, hi Catra,” Scorpia started to say before correcting herself. 

“H-hi Scorpia,” Catra said her body radiating fear as she curled up into herself appearing even smaller. “I-it’s good to see you,” she barely managed to get out. There was no glowing or spasms of pain so she wasn’t lying at least. Despite everything that happened, everything that she had done, Catra’s heart leapt the moment she saw Scorpia and Entrapta. 

“Wh-,” Scorpia started to asked, but Glimmer cut her off. 

“Before you ask anything you should be aware that Catra is under a powerful truth spell,” Glimmer said before the large scorpion princess could do, say, or ask any questions that could cause Catra pain. She didn't have any sympathy for Catra, she didn’t really, but she did for Scorpia, she didn’t deserve to run into that minefield without warning. “She can’t lie or not answer a question unless she wants to be hurt, badly.” 

“Glimmer,” Perfuma sounded shocked and it made Glimmer feel more ashamed. “She’s a prisoner.” 

“A prisoner of war,” Glimmer snapped harsher than she wanted, “she was Hordak’s second in command after Shadow Weaver changed sides, and key to the Horde’s sudden surge of power. She’s been captured before and escaped, she’s almost killed all of us several times over. The information she has could save countless lives but if we took what she told us and it turns out she lied it could destroy the Alliance. I had to be careful.” 

"I also agreed to it before she cast the spell,” Catra spoke up. “I didn’t expect it to hurt so bad, but I still agreed.” 

Glimmer didn’t say anything, she appreciated the help despite it’s source, it was more complicated than it was coming off. 

“Well…, that’s something I guess,” Perfuma said with a sigh, she might be okay with fighting now, when it was necessary, torture was different than battle. “Then all we need her to do is promise to not lie then you can drop the spell,” she argued. 

“The spell lasts a full day,” Glimmer managed to get out while looking at the floor, “I didn’t know that when I cast it, but it’s already been done.” 

“It’s fine,” Catra said starting to get annoyed, she wasn’t invalid, she can still make her own decisions and she agreed to the spell knowing that Shadow Weaver would be plotting something. Magic hurt, that was a truth Catra knew before she could talk. “Look I’m not going to lie and I’ll answer any questions you want, but I agreed to this. I was the second in command of the Horde, I did terrible things to get to where I did and I regret almost everything that’s why I’m here. I’m not some lost lamb that needs to be saved. I’m a monster that needs to be put down. So ask your questions,” she said standing as tall as she could despite hunger and bloodloss telling her to stay down. 

For a moment everyone was quiet as Catra waited for someone to ask. Glimmer looked like she was trying to present a front, Perfuma looked like she was trying to keep things calm as a mediator, Scorpia just looked scared and awkward despite being able to crush anyone in the room with one claw. Entrapta though, she was quiet, uncharacteristically so, all but hiding behind Scorpia which made Catra feel even guiltier than she already was. 

“Were…, were we actually friends,” Scorpia asked hesitantly, breaking the silence. She had fallen hard for Catra, her own doing not the magicats. She didn’t blame Catra, looking back it wasn’t like Catra had ever treated her well or like a friend, much less the soulmate Scorpia pretended she was. Maybe a bit at the end before everything went to hell, but she never wanted Scorpia around in the first place. On some of the more depressing nights Scorpia thought about them a lot. 

Catra didn’t answer for a moment, it took a while to compose her thoughts. “I-I think we were,” Catra said slowly so she didn’t say anything that would hurt the large woman with the stupidly big heart. Even if she had to lie Scorpia was one of the people Catra promised to never hurt, she would rather be in pain than hurt her again. “But I know I don’t deserve to be thought of a one.” 

“Things got really bad,” Scorpia started, “in the Frightzone I mean. I don’t think I ever saw you, I don’t think I ever saw anyone as angry as you were after you came in demanding that we continue then you-,” she didn’t say anything more, but no one who had been there needed to be reminded. 

But then Catra wasn’t there for things to be easy for her, “then I shocked Entrapta for suggesting we didn’t use the portal machine because it would destroy the world. When she fell to the ground I didn’t even bother to look at her before demanding she be shipped off to Beast Island so that no one would stop me from activating it. Then I tried to destroy the universe because I was a brat that couldn’t deal with being tossed aside and losing to Adora again,” Catra started talking and then it all came pouring out. 

“Why did you come back then,” Entrapta asked weakly, “why did you save me when you sent me away in the first place? Why…,” she started to ask but she seemed to frazzled to ask anything more. 

Catra studied her for a moment, her third friend, if Catra could even call Entrapta that. She looked different now, her hair wasn’t as managed as it had been back in the Frightzone, she didn’t bounce with energy from an unseen powersource, she looked scared, which was strange since she didn’t even look scared when Hordak was yelling at her. But she was still curious, because at her core Entrapta was a curious person and she needed answers more than she needed to breathe, Catra didn’t think this was a healthy way to live, but she also knew she wasn’t one to talk. 

“A-are you asking me because you want to know, or because you need to-,” before Catra could finish her question her bones felt like they were on fire and her blood was boiling. This time she didn’t fall over, and maybe the magic didn’t hurt as much as it did before. Or maybe it did and Catra had gotten used to it, she had been hurt by magic since before she could walk, if there was one thing she was good at it was pretending it didn’t hurt her. Still, she collapsed against the magical barrier keeping her inside her circle, which was as hard as stone despite being made of light, yay magic. There were words being said, some loudly, some concerned, some angry, but it took a moment for the pain to recede enough for Catra to understand words again. 

“I can’t believe you did this Glimmer,” the princess shaped blob that Catra didn’t know was rounding at the squishy purple pink one that wasn’t the Entrapta blob. “T-this is horrible, it’s sick,” she shouted again. 

“I needed answers,” Glimmer said back as Catra’s vision cleared. She sounded as weak as Catra felt and Catra actually felt sorry for her. She wasn’t to blame, she wasn’t the bad guy here. 

“We could have gotten answers another way Glimmer,” the thin blond who was definitely a princess shot back. “I know you hate her for what happened to your mother, but this isn’t justice, this is vengeance and it’s not you.” 

“I already said I agreed to this,” Catra managed to get out and stand up straight without breaking into a fit of coughs so she took it as a win. “I’m a prisoner of war and the former second in command of the enemy you’re kingdoms have been fighting long since any of us were born. I’m sure I have the answers you need somewhere up here,” she gestured to her head, “so ask and I’ll give you what you want.” 

The four of them stared at each other, unsure of what to make of this very cooperative Catra. Other than Perfuma, they knew Catra, or at least they think they did. Glimmer, Scorpia, and Entrapta each had their own idea of Catra, a monster that needed to be put down, a hurt girl who just needed love to become great, and someone who you talked to and were friendly with who was very good at getting what you need. They were all correct in some ways, but none of them were right. 

Two hours later, they left what Brightmoon considered to be a prison, exhausted, Scorpia and Perfuma were crying, Entrapta looked fried, and Glimmer just looked tired and sad. Catra’s curse had only activated a few times during the interrogation when she made a snide remark out of habit, each time was horrible for everyone. 

Catra gave them what she could from Glimmer’s questions, the queen told herself it was easier to ask questions when Bow and Adora weren’t in the room. Troop numbers, supply lines, weak points of the Frightzone, things that they learned from Entrapta and Scorpia, but neither of them had the tactical mind of Catra who knew every inch of the Frightzone since she was a child. It was months old, but it was knowledge that they didn’t have for before. They could have gotten more, Scorpia and Entrapta were curious what happened to Catra when she left them, but Glimmer did her best to steer the conversation away. Glimmer didn’t want to sympathize with Catra, she wanted her to stay her mother’s murderer and be happy when judgement was passed instead of sick. 

Scorpia left with Entrapta to their quarters, Perfuma stayed a bit longer, she wanted to talk to Glimmer. It wasn’t a long talk, she let the Queen know that she didn’t approve of what Glimmer had done, but gave her a hug anyway. It wasn’t as nice as Bow’s or Angella’s, but it was still nice to have. “I wish you didn’t have to do these things Glimmer,” the Princess of Plumeria said as she embraced the smaller woman. She could tell that the crown had become a noose around Glimmer’s neck and it wasn’t doing her any favors. “You’re a good person, don’t let that change please,” she said putting her hand on Glimmer’s shoulder before she turned away to the guest quarters leaving her alone. 

It was already night by the time they got done with Catra, Glimmer could see the sky from the slit windows and it was dark. The young queen rubbed her temples, the last two days have been one long headache. All she wanted to do was go to her room and sleep for a week until her head felt better. But of course that couldn’t happened, she was the queen and the responsibilities of the Queen never ended. Besides, if she went back to her room she would run into Bow and Adora who were waiting for her to return, Glimmer just knew that, and she wasn’t sure if she could look either of them in the eye right now. 

She went to the throne room, not for the first time wishing she was an immortal, ageless being like her mother, Angella could go a week without rest and even longer without sleep. Glimmer being half Etherian didn’t have that luxury. Glimmer moved to her mother’s- to her throne and sat down, if only for a moment, and tried to relax. It didn’t work, Angella specifically chose the throne to be uncomfortable to sit in so she would never feel relaxed when she sat on it, the throne was where she made important decisions and listened to her people, if they were suffering she would suffer with them. 

Still, if felt good to be able to sit and be alone with her thoughts, even if her thoughts were awful and confusing. It didn’t last, because why would it. “My queen,” one of the guards called out to her short of breath. Glimmer didn’t recognize her, she really should get better at learning the names of the people protecting her, but to be fair their helmets hid their faces and they all wore the same armored uniforms. 

“What is it,” Glimmer snarled as she lashed out, but she checked herself immediate, it wasn’t the guards fault she was having a bad day. And in her mind she heard her mother’s voice, ‘if you punish a messenger for bringing you bad news, it will simply discourage others from bringing you warning in the future and the bad news will still be there.’ She tried to ignore the irony that she listened to her mother more now that she was de-, gone, than when she was around. “I mean,” she said clearing her throat, “what do you need?” 

“Your highness, there are visitors at the main gate, they claim to be foreign royalty,” the guard woman said as she tried to suck in air, she had obviously rushed to the throne room as quick as she could. “I did not recognize them or their sigils, but they came with a full entourage.” 

That was strange, Etheria had many kingdoms and lands, even some that had been untouched by the war unaffiliated with either the Horde or the Alliance so it wasn’t unheard of, but even then she would have seen them at least at the Princess Prom even if she never met them. Her guards should be aware of all foreign dignitaries and royalty by their raiments at least. “Assemble an honor guard to watch them but don’t act aggressive, treat them with respect. Also send a runner to my room, find Bow and Adora and tell them to meet me at the main gate,” Glimmer ordered and strode out of the room before the guard could say anything else. 

It wasn’t far to the main entrance of the castle, Glimmer didn’t want to teleport, it would be too quick for them to get Bow and Adora not to mention assemble a force to meet the newcomers. Besides, she wanted time to compose herself, if they were truly foreign royalty than Glimmer needed to show them the proper respect. If this was some sort of Horde trap then she didn’t want to face them alone with her emotions running wild. She considered sending a message to Shadow Weaver, it was a quick spell that she could cast while walking, but she didn’t feel like using sorcery right now, and she was having second thoughts about her mentor. Shadow Weaver had experience, power, and knowledge about her father, but she was darker than Glimmer ever imagined. 

“What’s going on Glimmer,” Bow said with Adora a few steps behind him with the Sword of Protection out ready to use. 

“A party of foreign royals that none of my guards recognize their signage just showed up on our doorstep. I don’t think they’re aggressive, since the guard seemed winded but not ready for battle, but I don’t want to take chances,” Glimmer said not slowing down, though her shorter legs and queen’s garb let her friends catch up. 

They reached the massive drawbridge, Glimmer took a deep breath and had it lowered. “Greetings, I am Queen Glimmer of Brightmoon,” she said giving the new arrivals a deep bow, “I bid you welcome to Brightmoon.” 

“Thank you for your hospitality Queen Glimmer,” a soft velvety voice as the lead stranger matched Glimmer’s bow. Adora knew Bow was bowing to match Glimmer’s but Adora couldn’t take her eyes off the woman. She was a tall woman, about the size of Scorpia, but much thinner, though she was still muscular, like her people with her. She was older, beautiful, she looked kind, like Angella, but instead of having shades of Glimmer in her face, the older woman’s feline face looked like an older Catra. “I am Queen C’yra of New Moon, I am here looking for my daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry this took so long, but it's here now. sorry it's a bit disjointed, that's what happens when you take months to write something, you put it down and take a few more months to finish. I hope you like it, review/comment if you you do


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